The Journey: Part One: A Date with Destiny

 

I met a man who wears humility like perfume and godliness like a crown…

I was thirteen-years-old with a dream of becoming a journalist. He was four years my senior, a fiery teenage boy, with a desire to serve God. I met Ashley through my father, who had taken him under his wing as a spiritual son. Ashley often says he fell in love with my dad long before he could fall in love with me. He was not a part of our local assembly, but my father maintained a close relationship with him over the years, mentoring him and helping him to grow into his gifting.

I didn’t have romantic inclinations towards Ashley when we first met or the nine years that followed; although I do tease him about having a crush on me first…he used to call my phone under the pretext of wanting to speak to my father (he did have my dad’s number!). We formed a friendship over time and I admired his godliness and morality.  Ashley grew up in a community plagued by drugs, promiscuity and crime. He didn’t have many luxuries and his parents worked hard to provide for the family. He did though, have mischievous tendencies and a propensity for practical jokes, but he kept himself out of the darker vices through a steadfast commitment to church, worship and studying the Bible. He often spent hours in his room alone, strumming his guitar, asking God to use him in the Kingdom.

There was no doubt that Ashley was destined for great things. I knew it the moment we met. He was multi-talented. He could play the piano, guitar and even the saxophone…and my goodness could he sing! There was honesty in his voice that drew people in. But it was his ability to preach that set him apart. He was passionate about the Bible, read it and every Gospel literature he could find endlessly…and when he opened his mouth…he transformed from youth to revivalist! Although he was a young man, he earned the respect of ministers in the community, the older folk and his peers. I suppose it was because he lived his message, he didn’t care for double-standards.

However, his dreams of studying fell by the wayside as the need to work and financially support his family after matric took centre stage. His first job…selling fruit on the roadside…thereafter he worked at a fresh produce supplier, packing oranges. He eventually got a job in a stationary company and progressed from stocking boxes to driver. During those years, Ashley even successfully applied to join the South African Police force, but the day he was supposed to leave for training, he felt the Lord leading him away. He obeyed…so back to delivering stationary he went, with dreams simmering in his soul. He never allowed his circumstances to snuff out his fire. Instead, he took a notepad, pen and a dictionary to every delivery, and while he waited in line at loading bays, he would pen his thoughts. He knew he would one day write a book.

We didn’t see each other often, although we’ve always been in the backdrop of each other’s lives. When I was eighteen-years-old, my father hosted a crusade in Cato Manor and invited him as the guest speaker. After the meeting he joined us in praying for an elderly woman at a nearby hospital. Being a gentleman, he insisted on giving me his arm as I negotiated the cobble-stone paving with chocolate brown six-inch stilettos. We spoke much that day…about our dreams to become writers, to serve God, to travel… What was particularly endearing was his humility. He wears humility like perfume. It is his essence. Where I am brash and hard…he dons his heart on his sleeve.

After that, it would take a few years before we would see each other again. I went on to take up an internship in Cape Town. A year later, I returned to Durban and was offered another internship at the SABC – my dream of becoming a radio reporter was finally on track. I had no desires of settling down, falling in love or getting married. However, God had other plans and our paths collided in 2008.

He called me late one evening while I was on training in Johannesburg. He urgently needed to speak to my father, this time there was no pretext. We exchanged pleasantries and I told him I was not home. I could tell he was upset, but didn’t think it was my place to ask why. I soon learned that he had been deeply hurt by circumstances at his church – so much so that he had no option but to leave. Given his relationship with my father, he naturally joined our church.

I was excited to have him around. We shared a passion for the written word and ministry. That year, we both joined Bible College and I could tell that our friendship was really beginning to bloom. But amid the casual banter I started noticing something that I had never really paid attention to before…he was charming! His mannerisms were suave with a subtle flirtatiousness. He wasn’t given to outlandish declarations or cheesy one-liners. His conversation was intellectual and provocative. He had a distinct class and spoke with unique, endearing expressions.

I had asked him to accompany me to a networking event one evening. It was an awards ceremony hosted at a game lodge outside of the City. It was supposed to be just another event, but I could not help but feel nervous. I tried to laugh it off, while ignoring the obvious effort I was putting into picking out the dress and high heels. He arrived on time, admittedly looking as nervous as I felt!

As we left the city lights behind, driving further into the misty midlands, the evening began to feel surreal. Not in the usual, first date sense. I wasn’t even sure if it was a date to begin with! However, it was clear that our relationship was about to change course. To be honest, I felt the overwhelming nearness of God. I could not wrap my mind around it, but my spirit understood the moment well. He dropped me off at the front door, gracefully touched his hand to my cheek and said, ‘As much as I would like to kiss you good night, I will not. Because if I do kiss you now, I’d want to know that I will be able to kiss you forever’.

Our relationship indeed took a different turn. My father had appointed Ashley as the operational head of the church. Together he and I would go out ministering to families, visiting the sick and praying for those in need. Ministry became our heartbeat. We would rush home after work, dress in our Sunday best and then spend the rest of the evening doing home visits. It was challenging for a young couple, but it also developed our character. The deeper we fell in love with each other, the deeper our passion for ministry grew. The more we looked to each other, the closer God held a mirror to our own characters. Ashley had a raging temper and I had a uncanny affinity to run. I hated feeling tied down, and God needed me to learn stability. Ashley was forced deal with memories and life experiences that made him angry. Together we were growing.

A few months after our first date, we were planning a wedding and within a year, we were Mr and Mrs.

Little did we know the battles that soon lay ahead…