ANGER

Hi everyone,

Did you know when a rattlesnake is cornered, it becomes angry. It becomes so angry that it sometimes ends up biting itself! This really got me thinking about the way we behave when we are frustrated and angry. Let’s face it, anger is something we all battle with, whether it’s directed at our spouse, our children, or a driver who cut us off the road. Busy mornings racing to get out of the house often leads to an unsavoury exchange of words. At other times, just one trigger sets off something that may have been lying dormant. It could be family problems, financial issues, stress, feeling unappreciated or any form of injustice. Some of us may be better at keeping our emotions in check, but at some point or another, we all explode.

The Hebrew word for anger is “aph” which means to kindle or ignite a fire – in effect, “to light someone’s fuse” or “a heated outburst.” Of all our emotions, anger is considered the rawest, strongest, and potentially most destructive. However we try to defend it, I think we can all agree that anger is not a healthy emotion, and more than that, it displeases God.

James 1:19-20 says “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.”

Proverbs 29:11 says “Fools give full vent to their rage, but the wise bring calm in the end.”

Most of us don’t intend to hurt others permanently when we’re angry. We lash out without thinking of the consequences. However, depending on how far it goes, an outburst of anger is like the eruption of a volcano. The hot lava pours down the mountain, scorching everything in sight. It literally changes the composition of the rock by its heat forever, and its damage leaves permanent scarring.

Anger has the capacity to slowly destroy relationships. This is because it undermines the very conditions that are necessary to create and maintain TRUST. It brings with it suspicion, anxiety and fear, more-so if it’s in the home. Often this type of anger is linked to domestic abuse where one spouse gets verbally and physically violent with the other.

Often they will blame the victim for causing them to get angry, instead of owning their emotions. We have seen many cases of women and children being killed, because a trusted father or husband lost himself in a moment of anger. People have also lost their lives in road rage incidents. We leave home fine, then allow one trigger to make us so angry that it can literally change the course of our lives.

Anger also destroys harmonious relationships in the workplace. Unresolved frustration diminishes our productivity, inhibits our creativity and puts the lid on our growth. It also destroys our health. The Duke University Medical Centre conducted research on the effects of sustained hostility on the human body. Dr Redford Williams found that people who are hostile and angry are at higher risk of contracting heart disease and other ailments. It’s not just people who raise their voice who are at risk, but also people with more subtle kinds of hostility like skepticism, mistrust and those who are always making snide comments.

Anger causes us to think irrationally. When we get angry our problem solving ability takes a nose dive.

Scripture tells us that God is not pleased when we are angry. In fact the Bible tells us that if we are bringing an offering to God and remember that we have a disagreement with someone, we should leave the offering at the altar, go sort out the problem and then come back. God wants us to forgive and reconcile before we approach Him.

Now what about the effect of our anger on our children? Martin Teicher, a Professor of Psychiatry at McLean Hospital has documented the damage that a parent’s verbal abuse wreaks on the brains of their children. He did a study of adults who had endured verbal abuse as children. He found that three neural pathways were disturbed in the adults. These pathways were involved in language processing, post–traumatic stress disorder, depression and dissociation, as well as anxiety. Teicher says the damage of verbal abuse was on par with the damage found in the brains of people who had been sexually abused by people outside of their family.

Teicher says children especially suffer when anger is vented, adding that openly expressed negative, raw and intense emotion is hard for anyone to witness, especially children – and it can leave scars. What happens is that over time children’s brains seem to turn down the volume on abusive words, images, and even pain and it affects them in different ways as they grow from physical illness to anxiety, depression, anger and hostility in school.
How do we avoid destroying ourselves and our children through anger?

Firstly, we need to acknowledge when our heat gauge is rising and we must be willing to take responsibility for what we do with the emotion called anger.

Proverbs 28:13 says “He who covers his sins will not prosper, but whoever confesses and forsakes them will have mercy.”
Acknowledging that we have an anger problem takes a posture of humility.

Secondly we need to assess the source of our anger and start unpacking it and fixing it. Is it injustice, fear, hurt or perhaps frustration?

Thirdly, we should analyze our temperament. How do you behave when you’re angry? Do you explode? Do you start screaming, become sarcastic, defensive or even critical?

Next, we need to abandon our demands, and alter our attitudes. Instead of focusing on “Me, Myself and I”, invest your efforts into actually resolving the problem. This may need you to graduate to “We, Our and Us”.

Finally, pray for the spirit of counsel, wisdom, might and understanding. Take some time to cool down before deciding on an appropriate response. Wait before continuing that telephone conversation. Delay responding to that email. Walk away from a conversation if you feel your temperature rising.

Ecclesiastes 3:7 tells us there’s a time to speak and a time to remain silent.

I pray that we will all exercise self-control, be quick to listen, and slow to become angry. Not only will this preserve our relationships and protect our health and the wellbeing of our children, but it will also bring glory to our Father – the God we represent.

Have a blessed week!

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