Falling in love was easy. So easy, that we went from first date to ‘setting a date’ in no time at all. However, as most ministry couples would attest, life isn’t always roses and butterflies. It often felt like we were losing and winning at the same time. On one hand Ashley was thriving in biblical studies, preaching and teaching. He was even writing and composing music. His ministry was in full bloom. I too was thriving as a journalist and progressed swiftly through the ranks as producer, then presenter to eventually finding my niche as a talk anchor.  Our relationship with each other and with God was maturing.  On the other hand though, barely a month after the ‘I Do’, Ashley was retrenched and I started experiencing further complications with my reproductive health.

Unemployment shattered Ashley, who was accustomed to being the breadwinner. While dating, he successfully applied for a job within a dairy company. It entailed bookkeeping and logistics, which suited his mathematical mind. Ashley has an affinity for numbers. This coupled with his administrative flair propelled him to success. So when we received news of his retrenchment, we were gutted.

The months that followed were nothing less than turbulent. Ashley incessantly applied for jobs; searching the net, scouring the classifieds and even pounding the pavement. I, instead, ensured that the rent and utility bills were up-to-date, but there were always too much month for money and other ‘non-essential’ bills were falling behind. Our grocery list was modest; we focused on the necessities and tried not to push ourselves deeper into debt. Before payday, we resorted to digging in between the seats and combing through the house to make the rand to buy one thing or the other.

Ashley refused to become idle, so while I worked, he took care of our home, cooking and cleaning.  He spent hours in prayer and since he was not in fulltime ministry, assisted the church when needed. Yet, Ashley felt like he was failing me. We were newlyweds, still very much in the honeymoon phase – and he found it disappointing being unable to treat me to dinner or a movie. I knew he felt hurt when I could not afford girlish luxuries. One particular day, after a budget breakfast, we strolled past a store and a red stiletto caught my eye. It was a size three…my size. I didn’t ask for it, but the disappointment on his face when we walked away was evident. He knew I loved shoes and that pair was particularly my style. I linked my arm into his and silently resolved that day to never refer to money as ‘mine’, never to argue about it and whether we had it or not, never make money central in our marriage.  This was our journey, we would face it together.

It was at this time that the symptoms of Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome became more evident. I was bleeding for weeks at a time, feeling depleted and emotional. There were some days that I felt like I could not get out of bed.

Through this, we remained on our knees seeking God. In all honesty… it is difficult to preach the promises of God with holes in your pockets. It is even harder praying for people, when you too feel the need for prayer. But this is ministry! You carry your cross, while helping others with theirs. Your life becomes your pulpit. Your silent walk with God through the fire is probably the loudest sermon you could ever preach. And you must first live your message.

Our breakthrough came six months after Ashley lost his job. He got a call from a company for a position in accounts. It felt like the break of dawn. Ashley’s diligence won him favour at work, and he moved from bookkeeping to account management, procurement, sales and financial forecasting.  In the months that followed, we started paying off accumulated debt and what’s more…we started to dream again!

That December, while taking a leisurely afternoon drive, we came across a beautiful country-styled home for sale. It was modest, with a massive lawn, three bedrooms, an open-planned dining room and lounge and an antique kitchen. There was no pool, something Ashley and I always wanted, but we were still besotted. It was the kind of home you would imagine raising a family in. We made an offer and waited for a response from the bank.

DECLINED! While our affordability matched, and our debts were settled… the previous months of non-payment earned us a poor credit record. We were crushed. I nestled my head on Ashley’s broad shoulder and asked, ‘what’s next’.

‘God says it’s not the season to buy, it’s the season to save’, he replied. In the next few months, Ashley devoured every scripture he could find on financial planning. He even started a sermon series at church on financial wisdom and stewardship. Again, we had to live our message. We saved. I worked every public holiday, dumping the extra cash into our savings. Ashley put a fifth of his salary and his lecturing stipend away. Every extra cent was banked. We gave up our apartment and moved into my folk’s place, living off a suitcase. We didn’t go out often or buy clothes or shoes. Ashley’s vision was printed on spread-sheets and we reviewed our progress every month. All this, was based on scriptural guidance and hours of prayer. We prayed over our finances, our jobs and our future plans.

Seven months later, a close friend told us about a house for sale. It was a private sale, so not many people knew about it.   As we drove into the property, I felt the same lingering presence of God that I did on our first date. I hadn’t yet seen the house. I didn’t know the price. I just knew that this was our new home.

The house was a simple country-style, three bedrooms home. It was surrounded by lush green lawn. At the back, just where I thought the property ended, a staircase led to a massive pool. It was everything Ashley and I desired, and it was priced within our affordability.

We immediately contacted the banks. My bank was only willing to go up to eighty per cent of the asking price. Ashley’s bank declined the loan application. A mortgage finance company took it up to ninety per cent. The shortfall would have been too steep, even with our savings. I was afraid we were going to lose the house, like the one before. ‘It’s our home, it won’t get sold to anyone else’, Ashley reassured me.

A month later, we sat at a bank, a few minutes before its closing time. Neither Ashley nor I banked there. Ashley was in a hurry, he was expected to catch the next flight to Johannesburg to minister at our church there. The consultant’s name was Anne Cant…. She asked general questions about our affordability. We didn’t bank with them; we didn’t pass the other questions. She switched off her computer and asked, ‘Do you still want to proceed?’ ‘Yes’, Ashley said. And with a sigh, she switched on her monitor and started to type feverishly. We thanked her and left. In the car Ashley leaned over and whispered, ‘Anne Can’t…but God can’.

Barely a week later, I received a call from the bank. They were willing to offer a full loan! With our savings, we were able to fund the transfers and a year after the Lord said, ‘save’, we moved into our own home.

It was a beautiful time. We were financially secure and we had our own home. I was excelling at work. I was even winning journalism awards. Ashley was also growing in his career. He was travelling more. He started writing a book, delving deeper into Christian apologetics. However, when Ashley quoted Robert Kiyosaki about driving our car until the doors fell off…I think he didn’t realise just how literal the interpretation would be.

Ashley’s car was an old Hyundai. He took care of it, but a seventeen-year-old jalopy will only get you so far! Eventually the door handles gave in. Ashley would have to push the window down and get in – then yank a string to open the passenger door from the inside. The windows, he joked, were automatic…in that they gradually slid down as you drove. He often said the car was ‘smoking hot’, because it literally smoked and overheated. The highlight though, was its ignition. It was damaged in an attempted theft, so Ashley was left to start the car with a screw driver, later a spoon and eventually we just hotwired it!

Needless to say, a car was on our necessity list. After finding the ideal sedan, Ashley and I, together with our closest friends set out for the dealership. On route, we received a call from the salesman, ‘Mr Gann, please don’t come, you didn’t pass the credit test’. It was almost two years since we settled our debt, but still our record failed us. ‘What do we do?’ I asked, with tears cascading down my cheek. ‘We go still’, Ashley answered, taking my hand. Our friends fell quiet and we drove silently towards the dealership.

There we sat with the financial manager. Just outside his office window stood our car, gleaming in the sunshine, with a red bow tied across the bonnet. Ashley leaned over to me and said, ‘pray’. Our friends gathered at a coffee shop close by and prayed too. Two hours later, after a third attempt at the application, every red block turned into a green tick. The application was approved.

We drove off with our new car, to our new home…but our lesson in faith was far from over… There was one more battle to wage…and it would be the fight of our lives….But like David, we resolved that the God who helped us kill the lion and slay the bear….will fight the giant of infertility….