TEN THINGS YOUR PASTORS WIFE WISHES YOU KNEW

1.We married for love, and had very little idea what we were really signing up for.

We entered into our covenant union, looking forward to spending the rest of our lives with our best friend.  The challenges of ministry came as a shock to most of us, at times, rocking our very foundation. We were thrust into this role of leadership and set on a journey alongside our husbands. We are constantly learning. We don’t have all the answers but will definitely do our best to help you. There are no courses for what to do when you’re a Pastors wife. If there was, we would all be queuing up!

2. We are very aware that marriage is a union of oneness but within this oneness, Pastors wives still have our unique personalities, graces and abilities. 

Yes we are called to lead alongside and support our husbands in the ministry, and that we do with everything we have. We are our husband’s helpmate – a task we don’t take lightly. But we also often have to deal with unrealistic expectations. There is constant pressure to dress or speak a certain way, for our children to behave in a particular way, to spend our money in a certain way, to plan our dinner guest lists in certain way. It can be overwhelming. Some of us also have jobs outside of the ministry. We may be nurses, journalists or sales people – roles in which we also display our passion and commitment.  Others are stay at home mums, making sure our children get all the love and support they need.  These roles should never be undermined. We are determined to make a difference wherever we find ourselves and would like to be embraced for the unique graces we offer alongside our husbands.

3. We share our husbands with everyone.

The Pastor can be in demand 24 hours a day from people both within and outside of the church. He constantly receives calls for prayer, counselling, weddings, thanksgivings, consecrations and advice. He has to respond to suicide attempts, conduct hospital visits and attend to family crises. These often come during dinnertime, on public holidays and on family vacations. It takes the Pastor away from quality time with his wife and children. Being a Pastors wife is often a lonely journey. While it is an honour for us to serve you, it would also be appreciated if you would respect the demands on our time.

4. We wear many caps and try to be the glue that binds everyone together.

No matter what happens in church, the buck always stops with the Pastor and his wife.  We spend a tremendous amount of time making sure church goes smoothly. This includes everything from church functions, programmes and presentations to Sunday school, Growth groups and Serving teams. We aim to stop gossip and slander in their tracks as we know that this is against the Word of God and affects the oneness of the Church. We are human. We also get tired and overwhelmed but still have to maintain a positive spirit and a smile while we aim to fill in all the gaps at church.

5. We need helpers who share our heart and vision.

It is really tough and stressful trying to juggle all the responsibilities on our shoulders. Often it’s the local church, the city Church, global missions, full time jobs and family. The tasks that need to be done in church warrant a full time job on its own for the pastors wife! Any help that you can offer to your Pastor and his family will be gladly appreciated. There is always a ton to do, and when there are no volunteers to help carry the load, the burden simply gets heavier on the Pastor and his wife.  We need helpers who carry the spirit of Amasai from 1 Chronicles 12.

6. When our husband hurts, we hurt too.

It pains us when our spouse comes under attack or unwarranted criticism. It hurts when people come to him for advice, then blatantly do the opposite putting our ministry and Christ into disrepute. It hurts when people we consider family leave the church and it hurts when congregants come to church week after week but disregard the Word of God. It hurts when people don’t appreciate the personal relationship we have taken the time to develop with them – the calls, messages, lunches and spiritual guidance. It hurts when people want our help for everything from being a commissioner of oaths on documents to requesting prayer for new jobs or healing, yet don’t take the time to be supportive of us or the ministry. Our children see our load and they also hurt. We are real people with real feelings.

7. Church drama affects our entire lives.

When there’s slander, gossip, disrespect, disobedience, disregard, poor church attendance, unwarranted criticism or no support for the ministry, we worry. We worry about what went wrong, how we can fix it and how to prevent it in the future. We waste precious time and have sleepless nights obsessing about these issues, when we could be spending this quality time studying the Word and in Prayer. Thousands of hours are spent dealing with problems, remembering the problems and trying to avoid further problems.

8. We carry much of the financial responsibility of the Church.

There are months when Pastors don’t receive any income from the church, or only a stipend because church funds are depleted. Pastor’s families have to basically make a plan to make ends meet, while ensuring first and foremost that the Church bills like rent, security, staff and utility bills are paid. Sometimes we have to use our credit cards to make sure our own family’s needs are met. It’s during some of these toughest times that people also come to us in desperate need of financial help for their families. It’s a constant juggle financially, as we reassess our priorities and needs in favour of the Kingdom of God.

9. We miss our weekends and long for more family time together.

We wish we could also plan fun family excursions and road trips on the weekend, but it’s not an option for us. Most of the week, and especially on Saturdays, our home turns into a haven for our hubbies who have to studiously prepare their teachings for various church meetings and Sunday morning sermons. They get very little sleep on Saturday nights. We are forced to turn down dinner appointments  and other engagements so we can be properly prepared for Sunday morning. It’s also tough for us to visit our families in other towns on weekends, because we simply cannot miss a Sunday service.

10. It’s always good to know that we are honoured and loved, that our church family support our vision, recognise our need for rest and are constantly praying for us.

Our work is fuelled by our greatest conviction. We love the Church and genuinely care about the well-being and spiritual nourishment of our congregants. We desire for every member of our families to grow in the knowledge of Christ and become a representation of The Father.  We enjoy celebrating your successes and want to be by your side when you need a shoulder to lean on. We in turn would love for you to put yourself in our shoes and try to understand our roles, responsibilities and daily sacrifices. We need all the prayer, encouragement and support we can get to travel this tough journey!

NOTE: This list was compiled with input from more than 50 Pastors wives globally.