Mind your Manners

Hi everyone,

How often do the words “me”, “myself” and “I” come up in your conversations?

It’s tricky isn’t it? No matter how much we try, we naturally gravitate to talking about ourselves. Not only do we love to share our thoughts and views, but we also tend to put ourselves first. 

And that’s exactly what motivational speakers tell us to do. However, if we add the God factor to our lives, we are actually called to put OTHERS first.

I’d like to put it to you that the reason we have so many people out there who are rude and disrespectful is because we have taken the “me myself and I” attitude way too far.

Today I’d like to share some points on a simple topic – a foundation principle called manners.

A few years ago, my hubby and I were on a packed bus in Amalfi with two suitcases. I was 5 months pregnant and this bus was speeding on a narrow road around a mountain – faster than a Jo’burg taxi driver. During that entire journey, we stood on the stairs of the bus holding on for dear life. It was so bad that I wished I could do a ultrasound straight afterward just to make sure the baby was ok. 

Did you know that not a single person during that entire 45 minute trip offered this pregnant woman a seat? I promised myself on that day, that MY children will rise up as a standard.

Manners in greek comes from the word “ethos”  – a habit or a custom. It’s also referred to as “tropos” – a character or a way of life. Good manners should be a way of life for all of us.

Now I know this may sound like a really simple topic – but it’s amazing how many of us have forgotten good ettiquette– so much so – that what should have been the norm, has actually become the exception to the norm!

There are different types of manners. There are table manners for example – Don’t put your elbows on the table or Always wait for the host to give the go ahead before you start partaking of the meal.

There are e-manners. These are manners pertaining to emails and other written correspondence – for example, using proper grammar, spelling and punctuation.

There are cellphone manners. For example, always switch your cellphone onto silent mode when at a function. This reminds me of a wedding I once attended.

It was a serious, solemn time when the Pastor was leading the bridal couple through their wedding vows, when suddenly someone’s cellphone rang. It was the bride’s father standing right there in the front row. He answered the phone and proceeded to loudly give a guest who was late the directions to the church.  You can imagine how embarrassed the poor bride was!

There are also manners related to good social etiquette – like allowing someone to walk through a door before you, giving up your seat for someone older than you,  or one that many of us battle with – allowing each motorist to take their turn at a four way stop!

Why do we find it so difficult to practice tolerance, etiquette, kindness and respect – especially with strangers?  Is it that we feel entitled? Do our qualifications or jobs give us a feeling of superiority? Or maybe it has to do with our upbringing?

Whatever the reason, we must constantly and daily confront our selfishness. 2 Corinthians 13:5 tells us to examine ourselves. It says “Examine yourselves to see if your faith is genuine. Test yourselves…”

If our faith is genuine we will practice two of the greatest lessons in the Bible – sacrifice and love.

Colossians 3 puts it beautifully. It says “Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.”

Love is putting others first. 1 Corinthians 13 tells us that “Love is patient and kind; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful…”

Now this love may mean getting out of bed in the middle of the night to help a friend stuck on the highway or paying for a child’s school fees.  But most times, we are able to demonstrate this love – of putting others first – with good manners.

So when everyone’s rushing towards the till to pay for their Christmas groceries – you are able to hold your hand out and say “After you”  or if there’s the last spoon of stuffing from that Christmas turkey, you’re able to say “It’s ok, you can have it.”

Putting others first means doing more listening, rather than talking. It’s waiting for people to finish speaking rather than interrupting them to get your view across. It’s turning the TV or music  down so it’s not annoying to others. It’s not scrolling on your cellphone while watching a church service online.

Putting others first also means sending a message if you aren’t able to make a meeting, notifying your friend when you‘re running late and thanking a host before you leave their function.  

Good manners also extends to the workplace. Let your boss know timeously if you won’t make it to work. Treat your colleagues with respect, even if they’re not at the same level as you. Good manners is helping clear up the table at home and even washing the dishes. It’s thanking your spouse or your parents for the meal they prepared, and even offering them a cup of tea.

Apart from reflecting God’s love, good manners also has other benefits. People will genuinely appreciate you more. One of the main complaints women have during marriage counselling, is that their husband’s are inconsiderate and don’t say thank you enough. Good manners can enhance your marriage. It can help bring you favour at work and will make you a treasure in your circle of friends.

There’s an old proverb that says “Manners maketh a man”. Our manners puts the finishing touch to our character. It’s the beautiful bow on top of the gift. 

Our manners give others an impression of who we are and who we represent. I pray that in your interaction with others, you’ll always remember who you are, and who you represent.

Have a great week!

WATCH HERE