Diary of a Pastors Wife

The story of the woman in Luke 8:43-48 is one that echoes through time, resonating with anyone who has ever felt unworthy, unseen, or cast aside. South African poet Alvin Fredericks captures this beautifully in his poem titled “If Only”, painting a picture of desperation, faith, and the transformative power of a single touch.

For twelve years, this woman bore the weight of rejection. Society labelled her unclean, an outcast to be avoided. The law kept her at a distance, and those around her reinforced her isolation. Her identity was wrapped in shame—until she encountered Jesus.

“If only.”

These two words carried both her despair and her hope. “If only” I could be seen. “If only” I could be healed. “If only” I could live again. And so, with trembling hands and determined faith, she reached out—not just for His garment, but for Him.

That moment changed everything.

Jesus, in the midst of a pressing crowd, felt her touch—not just physically but spiritually. He turned, He saw, He acknowledged. For the first time in years, she was not dismissed but dignified. “Daughter, your faith has made you well.”

How many of us live in the realm of “if only”? If only I was good enough. If only I hadn’t failed. If only my past wasn’t so broken. But this story—and the poem—reminds us that grace meets us beyond “if only.”

Like her, we can approach Jesus in our weakness, in our shame, and in our brokenness. And like her, we can encounter the kind of love that doesn’t just heal—but restores, redeems, and redefines.

So don’t let “if only” hold you back. Step forward. Reach out. His love is waiting. And when you touch Him, you’ll realise – He is already reaching for you!

If Only

I turn away,

‘Cause this is a face of shame –

Shunned,

a pariah of my community,

For I am unclean they say –

Exiled to a life of

desolation,

Isolation,

With no hope of restoration.

I curse myself for being born

Let alone being born a woman.

Now bankrupt –

Emotionally spent,

Emaciated through this curse of womanhood,

And just when I think it’s the end,

I see Him, in a cloud of dust.

“If only” –

Something compels me,

Propels me.

“If only” stands between me and the masses,

Beyond their repulsion is my salvation as I crawl for one last time,

Leaving a trail of my indignity as I inch forward.

“If only” is the only voice I hear above the clamour for His attention,

I almost make it, but am shoved aside,

But then –

for one brief moment,

My calloused fingers touch Him –

No, not His garment –

I – touch – Him!

And for the first time,

Love looks back at me –

Love sees me for me!

Worthless made worthy,

Restless now restored,

A reflection of His image,

Just one touch of the Lord.

As my crawl of shame intersects Grace beyond,

“If only”.

Alvin Fredericks (c)

The Untold Stories of Pastors’ Widows: Love, Loss, and Legacy

Posted on October 31, 2024 by Melini Moses

In July 2022, we mourned the loss of a beloved man of faith, Pastor Mark Naidoo, who dedicated his life to serving the family of Angelus Mission Church in the city of Durban, South Africa. Together with his wife, he poured his heart and soul into the ministry, touching lives and spreading the light of Christ in profound ways. Pastor Mark’s legacy of love, compassion, and service left an indelible mark on all who knew him. For his family and those he shepherded, the loss is deeply felt; but even more so, the loss is shared by his wife, who stood faithfully beside him, both in marriage and in ministry.

The gravesite of the late Pastor Mark Naidoo

In honouring Pastor Mark, we also honour the invaluable support and strength of his wife, who remains an integral part of his legacy. Her journey reflects the shared experience of many pastors’ widows across the globe, who find that their connection to the church and the relationships they once shared often fades following their husband’s passing.

This begs the questions of how we, as a church, can better support and uphold the widows who have sacrificed so much of themselves for the ministry.

Pastor Mark’s Legacy of Family and Faith

Pastor Mark was more than a church leader—he was a family man, cherishing the time he spent with loved ones and extending this sense of family to his congregation. His ministry was deeply personal, rooted in his love for people and his desire to uplift and guide them in faith. At Angelus Mission Church, he didn’t just preach; he walked alongside members of the community, sharing in their joys, supporting them in hardship, and making them feel part of a larger family.

In everything he did, his wife stood by him, actively involved in church life and selflessly contributing her time and energy. Together, they shaped a ministry that was a true family in every sense. We have hundreds of pictures, each with a story of its own. But most of the work they did was never visible to the public eye. They knitted marriages together. They fed the poor in their own homes to preserve their dignity. They counselled people through the night. They paid bills that they had never incurred – for funerals, weddings, loans, water, electricity – all to save others who were under their care. They even spearheaded the project of rebuilding a congregant’s house when it burnt down. There were times when we would travel 600kms to Durban to visit them with our excited children whom they loved dearly. However, their church family always took precedence. No one can argue that the building was always spotless and that every event held there was carried out with class and finesse.

I wish the Angelus congregation would have known how much this couple loved them, and the many ways in which they sacrificed their own happiness for the benefit of their spiritual family.

Proverbs 31:10 says, “Who can find a virtuous wife? For her worth is far above rubies.” Indeed, the value of Ps Mark’s wife was seen and felt deeply in their ministry, yet when her husband passed, the church she helped nurture, no longer felt like home.

The Overlooked Role of Pastors’ Widows

For pastors’ widows, the transition after their husband’s death is often marked by profound change and, sadly, sometimes even separation from the church community they helped build. In the wake of such a loss, these women may find themselves distanced from the relationships they once shared or quietly expected to step away from the community they invested their entire lives into. This sense of isolation adds to the already overwhelming burden of grief.

One pastor’s widow from America shared, “After my husband’s funeral, I slowly felt people distancing themselves. The friends we thought were close seemed to disappear, and I was left feeling like an outsider in the church we had served together.”
Another widow recalled, “It’s as if my role in the church vanished when he passed. People didn’t know what to do with me anymore.”

The early church emphasised the importance of caring for widows. In James 1:27, we are reminded that “religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress.” Yet, many pastors’ widows find themselves navigating their grief alone, disconnected from the very people who once called them family.

These women also have to be pillars of support for their children, who grapple with their own grief while navigating the changing landscape of their faith community. They often feel a sense of disconnection as friendships that once felt secure, wane. In the wake of their father’s passing, they may struggle with feelings of betrayal and abandonment as members of the congregation that once embraced them, walk away. The emotional burden can be heavy; they carry the weight of their father’s legacy while trying to forge their own identities in a community that has shifted around them.

Continuing the Legacy

As I reflect on Pastor Mark’s legacy, I am reminded of the beauty of a ministry that cherishes every member of the congregation. His life exemplified a commitment to love, service, and community, and in honouring him, we must also honour the invaluable contributions of his wife, who shared in every step of his ministry.

Pastors’ widows have played a crucial role in shaping the spiritual lives of countless people. They have walked alongside their husbands through every challenge, every celebration, and every moment of ministry. It is our duty to ensure that they are not left behind or forgotten.

Many Pastors wives, like Pastor Mark’s continue his legacy with the people who have stood firmly beside her. Together, like a Ruth and Naomi company they are pressing onward with the vision. Other widows though have been drawn into obscurity, left to navigate their grief and purpose alone, often without the sons and daughters they once poured their lives into.

The Sobering Reality

One Pastor’s wife shared, “The hardest part was realizing that, without him, my identity within the church seemed to disappear. I was seen as ‘his wife,’ and when he was no longer here, it felt like my role was no longer needed.”

“For years they used to call me their mother. Now, I barely hear from those who once said they couldn’t imagine life without us. They move wherever they feel they can get their next breakthrough.”

It’s hard to imagine the sorrow these late pastors would feel, knowing the circumstances their beloved wives now face in their absence.

The Eternal Principle of Honour

As we come to the end of Pastors Appreciation month, may we remember to honour the women who stood alongside the stalwarts we have lost. May we remember to stand together as a community of faith, displaying true Christ-likeness, ensuring that widows find comfort, respect, and a lasting place within the church family. In so doing, we honour not only the legacy of our late Pastors, but also fulfil the call in scripture to love – to truly love by embracing our widows with open hearts, reaffirming their invaluable role within the body of Christ, and committing ourselves to walk alongside them in their journey of faith and healing. Throughout the Bible, both old and new testament, God placed great emphasis on taking care of widows. The Apostle James captures the heart of the Father beautifully with this verse:

James 1:27 “Pure and undefiled religion before our God and Father is this: to care for orphans and widows in their distress, and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.”

The Church of the 21^st century must re-capture this eternal principle of honour.

Beyond the Pulpit

Posted on May 24, 2024 by Melini Moses

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The Invisible Weight Carried by Pastors’ Families

It was Sunday morning. The music team played, and the congregation worshipped. Standing in the front row, next to my family, tears streamed down my cheeks. The timing was ridiculous. It was Sunday morning after all, when I’m supposed to be at my best – the ‘Pastor’s wife’ – smartly dressed, well organised, of good cheer, and in reverence. But the tears rolled down my face uncontrollably, each droplet carrying a story of its own, a testament to the depth of emotion that welled within me.

What I really wanted to do was walk to the restroom, bawl my eyes out, then bring myself to myself, fix my make-up, and walk back to my place in the front row. However, that would mean walking past many other rows of people and risking them seeing my tear-stained face. Such vulnerability was not an option. I chose to stay put.

It wasn’t just the fact that there was no milk for coffee in the church kitchen that morning. It wasn’t just the fact that the communion tables looked bare without any flowers, or that the slides I’d worked on all week, couldn’t go up. It was a culmination of months of carrying the massive weight of task after task on an endless list of church duties.

The relentless demands of time and energy on Pastors and their spouses is not something many Christians stop to think about. Even I, prior to marrying a Pastor, was convinced that Pastor’s had the most leisurely week, and only really ‘worked’ on Sundays – a task they probably enjoyed anyway because they were so great at it.

As the music team sang, my mind flashed back to when I attended church as a child, a teenager and then as a young adult. Our family would sit just a few rows behind the Pastor’s wife. She was always elegantly dressed, her hair set, and nails manicured. There were times when she looked happy, and there were times when she looked worn. If I knew then what I know now I would have offered so much more support.

Wife, mum, provider, nurse, counsellor, administrator, cleaner, event planner, communicator – the Pastor’s wife must do it all with grace and efficiency. For the most part she works in obscurity, yet she is a critical cog in the wheels of ministry, providing consistent support to both her husband and the church. She is the glue that holds everything together.

Pastors’ wives get many messages from congregants asking about the well-being of their Pastor, but few take the time to check on the Pastor’s wife and how she is coping. One can be forgiven though, as people naturally see the Pastor as the primary focus of the ministry. He is usually the one who is seen publicly preaching, praying and in close relationship with the congregation. However, pastors’ wives all over the world also deal with a heavy load of responsibilities, most often unseen, which they diligently perform to support both their husbands and the church.

Many women struggle to balance time within their own families, constantly navigating the demands of careers, husbands, and children. For pastors’ wives, this challenge is even greater—they have the added responsibility of tending to a larger church family that also requires their love, care, and support. Their dual role can also lead to misconceptions about their actions and intentions.

I remember a conversation I had with a work colleague once, who bemoaned the fact that her Pastor’s wife was fielding the Pastor’s calls. “She’s like a lion,” she said, “she asks why we are calling, and then says she will get him or someone from church to contact us.” I recall being annoyed that the colleague couldn’t understand that she was one of probably two dozen calls the Pastor had received that day alone from people needing counsel, prayer, or support. I would imagine his wife was simply being protective.

As a growing church, there has been an increasing demand on us as a family in various aspects of ministry. We moved into our new church building in 2023, after a gruelling but miraculous journey. Having our own space means making sure it’s always clean and well-maintained, and that everything that is needed to make this happen, is provided. We live about half-an-hour away from our church, so for my husband, this has meant several trips back and forth carrying everything from tiles to paint, mops, and groceries. We lead and oversee several teams from music and media to events, children’s ministry, and young adults. This is apart from home visits, counselling, prayer, and most importantly, the preparation of sound doctrine for Bible study, Prayer meetings and Sunday services. Finding moments to recharge amid the constant flurry of requests and necessities is near impossible, especially with two young children who also crave their mum and dad’s attention.

For the past few months, I’ve been working late, day after day and night after night doing my best to juggle all these responsibilities, while also growing a start-up business. I’ve found myself spending copious amounts of time checking if cupboards at church are clean, if the carpets are vacuumed and the furniture polished, instead of pursuing the biggest thing on my heart – empowering the Body of Christ and our community through training, writing and skills development.

My husband and I have also been convicted by a teaching we listened to about incomplete assignments. He has an unfinished book that he hasn’t been able to touch for months because of the load of responsibilities on his plate, and I have a host of ideas I would love to implement in the media space that would have a great impact on the youth in South Africa.

I have come to the realisation that life is fleeting and nothing is as important as the legacy we leave behind, not just for our children, but for our spiritual family and others yearning for love, care, validation, skills, knowledge, and mentorship.

The reality of being a Pastor’s family is putting your own plans, hopes and dreams on the backburner every single day, to be of benefit to others. It’s sacrificing your time with your children to take those calls of distress from your church family at any time day or night. It’s getting into your car or booking a flight to get to the son in your church who is hurting after losing his job or receiving news that his daughter has cancer.

It’s also navigating the mindsets of people who believe you just aren’t doing enough, people who murmur and complain, people who criticise Pastors every chance they get, yet call on them in their time of loss or need. It takes a special grace to function as a Pastor.

As a pastor’s wife, there are days when the weight of expectations, the constant spotlight, and the emotional toll makes the road extremely daunting. I hit one of those potholes that Sunday. An overwhelming wave of sadness, disappointment and exhaustion hit me, and the lack of milk in the kitchen for a decent cup of coffee was the final blow that triggered my momentary meltdown. In my defence it’s the first (and hopefully the last time) this has ever happened to me on a Sunday morning.

I’m laughing as I write this (milk? Really!). My husband was also not well on that Sunday, so the few people who interacted with us were convinced that we’d had an argument. Talk about added pressure!

I wish I had more time to write. I love that I can use my experiences, vulnerabilities, and strengths to offer support to those in need and to provide insight on everything that takes place behind the scenes.

There is a myriad challenges in ministry, perhaps the biggest being that so few people are willing to serve in the house of God. This is why so many Pastors are unable to give themselves fully to the bigger vision. When there are more hands serving and when everyone is using their skills and resource to support the vision, the church can advance at an accelerated pace. If you are not serving in your local church, I urge you to consider it. Even 60 minutes a week will make a huge difference in helping the church fulfil its role in this season. Serving can be as simple as standing at the door to welcome families to church, or using your skills and talents in the house of God. Your Pastor and his wife will be able to tell you exactly where your church needs help the most.

Amid all the challenges, lies a depth of love and purpose that makes this journey profoundly rewarding. The sense of community within the church family is unparalleled. The depth of connection forged within this community, the shared faith that binds us together and the impact of collective prayer is irreplaceable.

There is an undeniable beauty and a profound love that keeps us anchored and committed to this unique calling.

So, next Sunday, if you see me with a coffee mug and a smile, just know that I’m fully armed for another week of loving, serving, and maybe, just maybe, making sure the church kitchen never runs out of milk again!

KIDS GRIEVE TOO – HOW TO HELP THEM THROUGH THEIR LOSS

Posted on August 18, 2022 by Melini Moses

6 Comments

“Mummy I want to jump into Pa’s arms.” Three-year-old Gabriella gazed at the photo frame of her grandpa, and grandma, which she had carefully placed on her bedside table the night before. “Mummy I miss Pa. Is Pa in Durban? Will he and grandma come and fetch me from school?”

It’s been five weeks since our world was shaken at its core. We lost our dad, Pastor Mark Naidoo, a larger-than-life man, whom we’d hoped would live forever. After all, how many 67-year old’s still go out riding their bikes with their grandchildren? How many 67-year old’s still go on fishing trips, and family outings and still manage to take care of a church of over 500 people, having a personal relationship with every one of them. Pastor Mark left an indelible mark on so many lives, both locally and globally. His hallmark character was love. I have never seen anyone love as much as Pa did. His greatest strength was loving people, and his greatest weakness was loving too much.

To my children, Adriel, 6 and Gabby, 3, he was their world. Phone calls would be made to and fro, several times a day, always filled with love and laughter. Pa lived in Durban, a six-hour drive away, but the 600kms, to him, was a short distance to travel to nurture the close bond that he shared with his grandchildren. Despite a demanding schedule of home visits, prayer requests, preaching, teaching and leading a church, Pa always made the time to visit us in Joburg, even if it was just for a day or two. Adriel and Gabby would ensure that they delighted in every moment. Gabby would jump on him and shower him with kisses. Pa always looked at her with admiration and pure love.

Adriel would have long conversations with him, and of course slip in a game of Monopoly or Ludo. Pa’s laughter would always permeate our home. Pa and Grandma would take them to McDonald’s or to the toy shop after school, and they would come home elated, excitedly recounting every moment.

We drove to Durban during the July school holidays, as a family, drumming the dashboard, clapping our hands and singing “We are going to KZN”. The children were so excited to spend time with Pa. The plans had already been discussed – fishing, ice-cream and lots of fun. Little did we know that their Pa would be admitted to hospital before we even arrived. It all happened so quickly. An angiogram found that he had five blocked arteries and required a quintuple heart bypass. It was the first time we arrived at the house without Pa waiting outside with his signature laugh and open arms, ready to hug each of us and welcome us home. The children were lost without him. However, just before the surgery, Pa surprised us all. He asked the doctor for a pass-out so he could spend a few hours with his family.

Words can’t describe the joy that abounded in the house that night. Pa got what he wanted – he had all his grandchildren in one place. Adriel, Gabby and their cousins, Leah and Eden showered him with love, and endless questions. “What are the doctors going to do Pa?” “When will you come home Pa?” “Are we still going fishing Pa?”

He took the time to carefully explain the procedure, and said the doctor had told him that if he went through with the operation he would be with them for another 20 years. He explained how old each one would be by then and how proud he would be of them.

The next few days will forever be etched in our memories, as we prayed and pleaded with God for the operation to be a success so Pa could come home. Alas, God had other plans.

I remember quietly driving home from the hospital, contemplating how I would break the news to our four precious children before everyone else started arriving at the house. It was one of the most most difficult conversations I have ever had. Children aged 3, 6 and 10. Pa was their hero.

Grief is a difficult thing. The dictionary describes it as “intense sorrow, or distress.”

The children are grieving and every day we see it showcased in a different way.

On the day of the funeral, Gabriella left me heartbroken. I wasn’t emotionally prepared to see my 3-year-old grasp what was happening, and what played out shook me. She stood at Pa’s picture, her hands touching his face, and cried out for him. She walked outside the church, her little fingers placed over her face, tears streaming down. She then took a long walk to his car, held onto it and weeped.

CLICK TO WATCH

As a mum, I tried my best to comfort her. To spare her any further trauma, I thought it best to send her away with friends and family for a few hours until the funeral was over.

Psychologists tell us about the different stages of grief – denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance.

It’s so difficult to try and equate this process to children. As a parent I see my children struggling to make sense of reality, meticulously trying to piece together the puzzle.

“Did Pa know that he was going to have his last heartbeat mum?” “How did God take him away?” “Did he know that he was not coming back home?” “Can Pa see us from heaven?” “Does he have the twirly thing on his head that angels have?” Adriel asks us questions, several times a day. I have never seen him cry, however his levels of anxiousness have increased dramatically. He watches the clock constantly, and whenever his dad or I are out of his sight, he is overcome with worry.

Gabby on the other hand, doesn’t want to see Pa’s picture in our home. The other day she insisted that I remove the canvas picture I had hung up in the TV room. She said it needed to go back to Pa’s church in Durban. After I’d taken it down, she threw herself onto the picture and wept bucket loads of tears for Pa. Gabby’s dad had to take her for a drive until she fell asleep. Later that day she asked me if Pa was with Jesus, and if we could take a walk to visit them. She said Pa would be very very happy. “I want to jump on Pa mum.” Gabby used to hold onto his leg or throw her arms around him and greet him in a very distinct way – by rubbing her forehead on him in love, just like the way Peter Rabbit does in the movie, Peter Rabbit. I haven’t seen her do that with anyone else since his passing.

There’s a book I spotted six months ago while shopping online.

I bought it because I knew that one day…one day I would need it. I was hoping that one day would be decades from now. However, none can fathom the plans of God. I found myself searching for the book on my son’s bookshelf this week.

On many evenings, at bedtime, my hubby and I read this book to Adriel and Gabby. I am so grateful for the gift of books to help us through life’s journey even in difficult times. It’s a great resource for your child, if you are facing a similar situation.

Another book, so kindly purchased for us by a teacher from Gabby’s school, is a reminder to children of just how loved they are.

This week we spoke to Johannesburg based Educational Psychologist, Khatpagam Krishnan, to solicit her advice on how to help our children work through their grief.

She explained that the way children cope with grief is based on how their parents handle the grief.

Kathy gave us a lot to do and think about, advice that I have decided to share with you, so you can help your child through their own process.

Here are ten practical steps you can take to help your children through their grief :

Encourage conversation about their loved one who has passed. Let them share with you their favourite memories, from a trip to the beach to a chocolate waffles.
Children need concrete ways in which to express their emotions. Help them plant a memorial garden or write messages on stones that can be placed in a pot in the garden.
Acknowledge their moments of grief. Hold them and say “It’s ok baby, we all miss Pa.” Stay in the moment. Encourage them, letting them know they are loved. Answer their questions as best as you can. Stay age appropriate. Remember, it’s ok for them to see you crying. It makes them feel safe, knowing you are all experiencing this together. However, if you notice that it’s affecting them, find a space away from them if you need some time alone to grieve.
Stick to a routine. Children find great comfort in routine and structure. Try to stick to the routine they are used to as much as possible. From breakfast to bedtime, they will feel more in control of themselves, when they know what to expect.
Create a space, inside or outside your home, where your children can go if they want to talk to their loved one. You could have some pictures there, and an item that reminds them of the person eg. a toy, or a pack of cards.
Help them to make a scrap book or a memory box for their loved one. Print out pictures and give them stickers to personalise it.
Allow them to wear an item of their loved ones clothing. A pair of socks, or a T-shirt, may help them feel closer to them. A memory teddy bear would also be amazing.
If your child is little, buy him or her a bottle of bubbles. Allow them to blow bubbles into the sky to let their loved ones know that they are thinking of them.
Keep a close eye on your child’s behaviour. Are they more anxious? Are they clock-watching? Are they biting their nails? Are they clingy or agitated? Are they having difficulty sleeping? Are they constantly worried about where you are and if you are ok? Are they concentrating at school? If you notice any changes, please speak to a professional so you can put further steps in place to assist them.
Take care of Yourself. You may find yourself plunging into work or battling to keep your life together. Grief is complicated. It’s life-altering and each one of us deals with it so differently. If you need to see a counsellor, please do so. The more emotionally healthy you are, the safer your children will feel.

As parents, we can’t protect our children from the pain of loss, but we can help them get through it. By encouraging them to express their feelings in a healthy way, we can help them develop valuable coping skills, which will be beneficial to them both now and in the future.

It’s difficult navigating through our journey of grief, having lost a pivotal part of our lives. However, I am so grateful for the blessing of having known Mark Naidoo – a model husband, a phenomenal dad, a doting Grandpa and a dedicated Pastor. I am grateful for the many memories we’ve had together as a family, and I am grateful that my children have a legacy they can be so proud of.

In English we say “I miss you.” The French say “Tu me manques,” meaning, ”You are missing from me.”

A part of us is gone. But he will forever remain in our hearts, and many generations will speak of his love.

When someone has gone,

you can bring them back

for just a little while

by talking them into life

by painting a picture with your memories and your words

breathing their essence back into existence

for just a few moments.

When someone has gone

you can see them again

for a minute or two

by being all the things they once were

by allowing their best traits to filter through you

shaping your words, your thoughts and your deeds

back out into this world.

When someone has gone

you can feel them again

for just a moment

by playing their music

and singing their favourite songs

by giving yourself up to the notes that brought them alive

once upon a time, it will again.

When someone has gone

you can keep a part of them alive

by giving the love you had for them a forever place in your life

a forever seat at your table and a glorious chapter in your book.

Stories never die

tell them.

~Donna Ashworth

Understanding Suicide

Posted on May 4, 2022 by Melini Moses

The scourge of suicide has been sweeping through nations, obliterating families emotionally, physically, and financially. No one is spared. Friends, neighbours, work colleagues and relatives are all left reeling in shock. Some may even describe an act of suicide as a massive explosion – the shrapnel races through the air, wounding everyone in sight. The scars remain forever etched in their hearts.

The questions are endless. Why? What was so bad that it couldn’t be fixed? Why didn’t they reach out to someone, anyone! How do you reach a point where you plot and plan to take your life, and then gather the strength to go through with it? Did they take a moment to consider their spouses?

Did they perhaps ponder upon the tears that would be streaming down their children’s faces? Rivers of tears. Children growing up with more questions than answers. Who would play the role of daddy, the father figure, the man their children aspire to? Did they consider the heartbreak their parents and siblings would suffer or the devastating impact it would have on their friends and family? Did it matter?

Our minds try to process it all, dissecting messages, the last telephone call, the time spent with them. Were there clues that we had missed? Were there aspects that we had ignored? Why would they do this.

In this podcast with Clinical Psychologist, Dr Rani Samuel, I unpack the emotional condition of someone who is suicidal. We discuss the effect of suicide on families, the blame, the guilt and the healing process.

LISTEN HERE

Every year 703 000 people globally commit suicide. Many more attempt it. According to the World Health Organisation, suicide is among the leading causes of death among those aged 15–29. Suicides are preventable and help is available. If you need assistance please contact your local clinic, hospital, doctor, religious leader, a helpline or a support group.

I trust that this podcast will help you in your process of healing.

Ten Simple Steps Towards a Successful 2022

Posted on December 31, 2021 by Melini Moses

1. Sit down together as a family and write down at least 5 goals for each of you for 2022.

Think physically, mentally, spiritually and developmentally. Have fun discussing how you will achieve them. For example, less screen time may mean that your mobile device gets temporary jail time, or studying this year, may mean choosing and signing up for your course in January. We had great fun doing this exercise with our children, and explaining why it was necessary. Our two year old was so excited to give her input. Top of her list is learning shapes and taking her medicine without a huge fuss! (We look forward to this with great anticipation!)

2. End the year well financially.

Settle any outstanding accounts, payments and fees to the best of your ability. If you owe money to someone, and you have a bit of extra cash, now is a good time to say “Thank You” and settle, or pay a little towards that debt.

3. Honour your Parents.

To honour is to “fix a value upon”. Let them know how much you appreciate them and bless them. Many of us buy our parents gifts, but find it difficult to part with cash. If it’s within your means, send them some money that they can spend however they wish.

4. Start the process of building bridges and mending broken relationships that can be restored.

This starts with owning your part in the relationship breakdown, even if its 3%. Reach out, make amends if necessary or simply let them know that you will be there, whenever they may be ready to start afresh.

5. Make a decision to forgive those who hurt you.

Sometimes we carry hurt and pain from our childhood into our adult life. It continues to affect the way we think and impacts the decisions we make. Acknowledge the past, but resolve to live in the joy of the present.

6. Take some time to introspect.

Write down 5 lessons you have learnt this year. Acknowledge any personal shortcomings in behaviour and character and ponder on “How I can be a better Me in 2022”. Consider how you can be a better husband or wife, a better mum, dad or grandparent, a better son or daughter, a better employee, a better friend.

7. Pray

There has never been a more crucial time than now to bow before God in humility, to seek forgiveness and pray for His divine intervention, grace and strength. With the beginning of a New Year we have the opportunity to reset and restructure our priorities.

8. Map out a path for your spiritual development.

If you have been persistently unfaithful, now is a great time to resolve to be consistently faithful. Proverbs 28:20 says “A faithful man will abound with many blessings.” Be faithful in your devotional time with God. Be faithful to your local church. Be faithful in honouring God with your time, resource and skill.

9. Invest

Invest your time and money in efforts that yield results like a new study course, an exercise programme, learning a new skill and memorable experiences with your family. If you don’t have a retirement plan, a will, or an education fund for your children, put it on your to-do list for January.

10. Make a decision to stand out in your generation, and set the pace for generations to come.

Be the first to achieve a degree or diploma in your family. Be the first to stop the cycle of abuse, and addiction. Be the biggest giver in your lineage. Be a breaker – someone who “breaks through” and crafts a pathway for others to walk through.

Wishing you a blessed, safe and productive 2022!

Acquiescence

Posted on October 22, 2021 by Melini Moses

(the reluctant acceptance of something without protest)

It’s long been a favourite word of mine. I love it’s pomp and luxurious enunciation, the elegance with which it moves the mouth, and almost mimics the sign of the cross in it’s utterance. I have not much cared for it’s definition, except in it’s contradiction – like when the grim undead pirate Hector Barbossa says to the earnest (but really hard to take seriously) Elizabeth Swann, “I am disinclined to acquiesce to your request,” which is to say, uhhhh, no! (Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl).

I have always been strong willed; ‘pig headed’ the less discerning in my circles would deign to say, and seldom one to acquiesce. In fact, my husband regularly finds occasion to explode in a tone of choleric exasperation – “You always say no. Even before you’ve heard a matter through, your answer is no!” He isn’t far off the mark. I am not inclined to acceptance – every matter is subject to rigorous interrogation, careful consideration, and must prove robust, meticulous, and sensible before I accept it.

Yet when I received the now dime a dozen diagnosis of breast cancer on 6 August 2021, just 2 months and 10 days shy of my 50^th birthday – I acquiesced. No devastated falling in a heap, no gut wrenching cry of “Why me?”, no tears of fear, no dread of being reaped from this life untimeously.

My friends and family revered my soundness of mind and spirit, strangers keeping me in their thoughts and prayers marvelled at my response to chemotherapy, my children were bolstered by my profound strength – all the while my husband eyed me with tender concerned suspicion, convinced I was in denial, hovering in my periphery, waiting to catch me when the reality blow was final dealt.

I am a private person – I now had to share this intimate information with friends, family, colleagues, strangers.

I hate to be touched, except by my husband – I submitted my body to be poked, prodded, examined and scanned, with a calm reticence I would never have believed possible.

I hate speaking about myself –I learned to focus on me and give a detailed account of what I was feeling and experiencing over the course of treatment.

I am intolerant – I learned to sit through the most misguided, misinformed conversations, and listen to advice offered by the sublime and the ridiculous, while calmly managing my face.

I control my space – I accepted it now being commandeered by loving sisters who didn’t do things my way. I hate a fuss – I accepted them waiting on me, telling me what to eat, when to eat, when to lie down, when I needed more fluids, “don’t lift that”, “don’t go there”, “don’t be hasty,” “don’t overdo it.”

There is a misconception that to accept, to submit, is to be defeated. That other word, submission, has long been viewed with bitter disdain, and often by women, who, it would seem, are the focus of it’s etymology.

Well-meaning supporters of my well being encouraged me to refuse the diagnosis; the religious recommended I rail against it; the fanatic commanded it to leave my body; the fearful instilled fear by telling me not to fear death; the sensational encouraged me to flaunt my womanhood, while I still had it, and expressed disappointment that I was not rather more dramatic in my reaction; the omniscient, who had absolutely no experience of this journey, said “You’ll be fine, many others have gone through it and survived, just remove those breasts and be done with it.” Have I found sincerity in this madness? I have. Did any of it meet my erstwhile rigorous interrogation, and produce sense and sensibility? Ha, what a lame joker you are to ask!

The noise was overwhelming, yet somehow, somewhere on this journey of acquiescence and submission, my usual biting intolerance had morphed into a kindly filter that sifted through the messy, misunderstood and macabre, and retained only the bits that spoke life.

I didn’t know it then, but I am evolving. I am discovering that I can learn and change, even now, even when to do so challenges my self-awareness, my own familiarity, my principal attributes. This acceptance is not defeat, it is illumination. It is an indication of the eternal, that it is alive and mercurial, with abundant opportunity to do better, be better, know better. I have acquiesced and submitted to the process that must follow, and I am strong, determined and pliable.

The journey continues – there are life altering decisions to take, further realities to face, and healing processes to submit to.

In Sun Tzu’s Art of War, he writes, “To see victory only when it is within the ken [knowledge] of the common herd is not the acme [pinnacle] of excellence… What the ancients called a clever fighter is one who not only wins, but excels in winning with ease. Hence his victories bring him neither reputation for wisdom nor credit for courage.”

The battle continues but mine is not to wage war; mine is to understand the purpose of the victory.

– Christina Govender

Christina is a literary enthusiast and reluctant writer, whose endless fascination with the ordinary and the ridiculous has finally compelled her to put pen to paper, and share the thoughts she often dares not speak aloud.

BEHIND THE SCENES

Posted on October 16, 2021 by Melini Moses

If you attend church on a Sunday morning, you may not realise the amount of work that goes on behind the scenes to make sure everything is ready by the time you arrive. Much of this preparation takes place during the week, and then discussions again take place with everyone involved on a Saturday.

A typical Saturday in our home is spent making sure that the church premises is clean, that people RSVP, that all Covid-19 protocols are observed, including printed lists of attendees, and sanitiser placed at various points, that seating is arranged, communion emblems are set up early, that the Sunday school programme is on track and in line with the Word being preached, that the sound system is arranged, song list sorted, transport put in place for those who need a lift to church, the laptop set up so people can watch online, and the list goes on…

This is all apart from the many days and hours that go into preparing to preach on a Sunday morning. Sometimes those who serve fall sick, or cannot be at church due to work or other commitments. It’s at these times that we also have to fill those gaps. We have a 2-year-old and a 5-year-old, so as you can imagine, our home is always super busy. However when circumstances don’t go as planned, we have to quickly work on Plan B. While everyone is relaxing on Saturday, we may suddenly find out that we have to prepare a lesson for Sunday School, give someone a lift to church in the morning, or lead in song.

There is always a flurry of activity behind the scenes before a church service. It’s always done in the spirit of excellence, and the more hands we have, the easier it becomes. Often it’s a few faithful people who carry this load.

Serving in church is a blessing. It shows obedience to God’s Word. It enables us to use our skills and talents for God and to grow in our relationship with Him. Serving makes you part of a vision that’s bigger than yourself. Serving can also be fun and foster meaningful relationships, especially when it’s done with a joyful heart! If you want to be a blessing to others, ask your Pastor how you can serve in your local church today!

What the Corona Virus is Doing to our Kids and How WE Can Help Them

Posted on July 2, 2021 by Melini Moses

https://nycdoe.libguides.com/covid-19ebooks/free

“Mum, is dad dead?”
“What? No son, he’s just lying down in the other room.”
“I’m worried about him mum. He has the corona virus and he is very sick.”
“Don’t worry, he’s going to be ok son. We are fighting this.”
But mummy, I can’t hear him snoring. I’m scared he’s going to die.

Curled up in bed, I wrapped his little hands in mine, giving him a tight reassuring hug. “Everything is going to be ok son.”

Since we tested positive for the Corona virus over the weekend, Adriel, just 5 years old, hasn’t been himself. There are times when I would catch him sitting quietly thinking hard, and at other times he would suddenly come and tightly snuggle up next to me. He needs constant reassurance.

My heart breaks to see him this way. My mind races to the images flooding my social media timeline. Pictures of innocent, beautiful children whose mums and dads are now but memories. Surviving parents are now having to pull together all their strength, put on veiled confidence and a smile as they help their little ones navigate through the next chapter of their journey. I’m haunted by these images. My brain tells me to switch off from social media, but my heart reminds me that I can’t.

We are human after all. We feel. We hurt. We cry. Then, we try. We try to make the world a sunnier place for those who are hurting. It may be through a comforting message, a special delivery of flowers or meals. It may be through a prayer or a song. But we can’t ignore it. We simply cannot ignore what’s happening around us.

It’s 9am and my husband is coughing in the bathroom. Gabriella, our 2 year old daughter, races out of bed, saying “Oh goodness oh goodness, what’s wrong?” She goes straight to the bathroom to check on her daddy.

As parents we cannot underestimate the impact Covid19 is having on the psyche of our little ones. As much as we try to watch our words, and unleash the tears only after they’re asleep, they sense our anxiety. They see our pain. When it feels like life is crumbling around us, they feel it too.

This week the worry was tangible, and Adriel opened up his heart to me. I managed to catch this bit, to give you an idea of the thoughts that may be flooding our children’s minds.

Click on this link to listen…

It’s important to talk to them and encourage them to ask questions. We may not know all the answers but engaging in discussion will help allay their fears and concerns.

There are some wonderful stories that have been written about the Coronavirus that we can read to our children. Here is a link to a few of them I’ve found online, that are available for free.

Some of them are really amazing, and the adventures will definitely leave your kids feeling like superheroes!

In addition here are some tips for helping your children through this challenging time.

Stay calm and reassuring. They will be more confident knowing that mum and dad have things under control.

Let them know that you are always there if they want to talk about absolutely anything. Check in on them throughout the day by asking them how they are feeling.

Remind them that most people have recovered from the virus and that you are doing everything in your power to make sure you will be well too.

Create the environment for conversation. Make them a cup of tea or hot chocolate, then sit outside and just chat.

Fill your home with psalms, hymns and prayer. The reading aloud of God’s Word and an affirmation of faith in times of fear will bring reassurance to both you and your kids.

Control what your kids are watching on TV or social media. Protect them from conversations you may be having on the phone with friends or family that may sow seeds of fear in them.

Play with them. Encourage fun and laughter. A few tickles and some card games or a run in the sun will go a long way to helping them feel better.

And so, while the world is in chaos, let’s try to make our homes a garden of Eden for our children. Let’s allow them to laugh more, play more, and hey, a little more chocolate won’t do them too much harm.

Always remember that our thoughts, attitudes and actions are as infectious to our children as the coronavirus.
We will get through this – their little hands in ours. Together.

GANGSTER’S PARADISE

Posted on June 30, 2021 by Melini Moses

9 Comments

“As I walk through the valley of the shadow of death
I take a look at my life, and realize there’s nothin’ left
‘Cause I’ve been blastin’ and laughin’ so long
That even my momma thinks that my mind is gone…”

The soundtrack to Coolio’s hit “Gangster’s Paradise” has been playing out at Elsie’s River in Cape Town for decades. The area is only around five square kilometres, yet is bursting with stories of joy and anguish, love and hate, death and hope.

This, dear reader, is a story of hope. It’s a story of brokenness. It’s a story of triumph. Even I don’t know how this story will end, but I will take you on the journey that brought us here.

It was 8:30pm one Friday night, when a congregant of Pastor Nolan Timmie’s church received a whatsapp message from her friend. Shortly thereafter, Timmie’s phoned pinged with the forwarded message – a cry for help from a 28-year old woman, desperately seeking assistance for her younger brother. The young man, Jamal, was 26, and a key member of a local gang. With tensions at boiling point, his sister was afraid that he could lose his life.

Timmie, 49, has been working in the Elsies River community for the past 20 years. He knows the area all too well, having been involved in drugs at a young age, and dropping out of school. The trajectory of Timmie’s life changed when he gave his heart to God, at the age of 21, on board a train, while a group of passengers conducted a church service in the carriage.

Jamal was at a local spaza shop when Pastor Timmie approached him, accompanied by, a young man from his church. The 26-year old was still under the influence of drugs, but gave a polite nod to Timmie when the Pastor asked him for 2 minutes of his time, at his house. The three quietly walked down the dusty path and up the stairs to the third story flat. They sat talking for a while. The Pastor’s assistant shared how he had left gangsterism seven years prior. They presented the Word of God, and shared how much God loved him, and how much better his life could turn out. Jamal freely and willingly told the men that he wanted to change his life. Going down on his knees, he gave his heart to the Lord.

Timmie had an impression in his spirit that Jamal should not remain in his parent’s home that night. He asked Jamal’s sister to fetch him that same afternoon and take him to stay with her for a while. However, things didn’t go as he had planned.

Later that evening, Pastor Timmie received a call. Jamal’s home was under fire from a rival gang. When his sister and mother arrived home they had to duck for cover as bullets flew overhead. Jamal’s younger brother, Khiaam, who had been making noodles in the kitchen was hit by a bullet. Fortunately he survived.

Timmie was upset. He knew that this could have been avoided if Jamal’s sister had taken him away sooner. In a panic, the family asked that he rush over to their home to help them. This was a difficult decision, as the rival gang members were likely to still be in the vicinity. He enquired of his wife. “Let’s get into the car and go fetch him,” she bravely said. So, they got into the car and drove to Jamal’s house. When they got there, Timmie’s wife sat in the car and said, “You go and fetch him!”

The tension was palpable. Fear filled the air. Jamal’s friends were standing whispering outside. Pastor Timmie slowly and quietly walked toward the flat and up the stairs. He could hear Jamal’s father on the phone frantically explaining to someone that a gang had just opened fire on his house. Timmie’s eyes were fixed on Jamal. He went straight to him and held his hand. There was no resistance. They quickly and quietly walked together straight to the car, and hurriedly drove off. They took the young man to a safe house, counselled and prayed for him before calling his sister to take him to her home.

The next morning, Pastor Timmie fetched Jamal to take him for breakfast. They were planning to go to N1 City, but Timmie drove further to Canal Walk because Jamal just couldn’t stop crying. He cried the whole journey. He couldn’t explain why, but tears continued to well up in his eyes and stream down his face. Choking down tears, Jamal said “It’s been a long time that I cried like this”. After a healthy breakfast of not just food, but of encouragement and counsel, the Pastor took Jamal back to his sister. And so this routine would continue day after day.

By the next Sunday, Jamal and his two younger brothers were at church. All three had been involved in gangsterism. The siblings gave their heart to the Lord. Their friends began to see a difference in their lives. One by one, they also started to engage with Pastor Timmie. The church began a Bible study breakfast on Monday’s, Tuesday’s and Thursday’s. The former gangsters began to share who in their community needed to experience the love of Christ. Over the past three weeks, another twenty young men have turned their backs on gangsterism.

Many in the community say for the first time everything is quiet. They can sleep again. They can walk on the streets again, without the anxiety of having to possibly dodge bullets. The shooting has stopped, and with it the anger.

These young men were feared and despised in their community. They were violent, and made their living by robbing people of their cellphones, then selling it on the black market. They were constantly high on the drug known as Tik, and peddled drugs at street corners.

Now, the community is slowly getting used to the idea of seeing these young men get dressed in the morning and walking through the streets of Elsie’s River to go to Church for Bible study.

It hasn’t been an easy road. During a meeting with Pastor Timmie one morning, a young man in the group received a phone call. It was a ganger leader calling from inside prison to give an instruction for someone to be “taken out.” The 19-year old tasked with the assassination, and now sitting with Pastor Timmie, was the main gunman in the gang.

The truth is, some of the young men have pulled a trigger, ending precious lives. In a gang, if you are given an instruction to kill someone and you don’t do so, then you yourself could be killed for disobeying the directive. People are killed for gangs to claim territory, or even if a gang leader just doesn’t like someone in the community. The vicious circle of intimidation is often what prevents gangsters from leaving the dangerous lifestyle.

Pastor Timmie was clear – there would be no such killings, certainly not from any of the young men who were under his care. He went to the father of the gangster who ordered the hit, and told him to let his son know this in no uncertain terms, and that all the young men had now chosen a new path of love and forgiveness..

“If my son calls me, I will tell him,” said the man.”

Pastor Timmie’s family and his church spend thousands of rands preparing meals for the young men. It started off with R300-R400 a day, but with the increasing number of young men turning their backs on gangsterism, the costs of provision are also growing. Jamal and his two brothers were very influential in gang circles, so everyone is now hanging out at their house. Provision is also given to their mum to be able to feed the young men looking for a lifeline of hope.

They are hungry, not just for food to fill their tummies, but hungry for love, for acceptance, for faith, and the Word of God.

Pastor Timmie tries to keep them occupied during the week, so the drug cravings are reduced and so they are able to focus on re-building themselves. Sometimes they watch movies, sometimes they play, and sometimes they just go for a drive and get some KFC. Most of them sit in on both church services on a Sunday, leaving the regulars out in the cold! It’s a problem they don’t mind having, knowing that a whole generation is being restored.

Judah Community Life Church has great ideas for the young men, but they’re not ready for it yet. Once they are mentally strong some will be sent back to finish school, while others will undergo skills development courses. For now, Pastor Timmie has to ensure that all their needs are met for the next 4 to 6 months – from food and toiletries, to jackets, takkies, boots, beanies, Bible study material and of course, entertainment to keep their minds away from their toxic past.

Many have lost out on their childhood. Some don’t have fathers. Others have lost both their parents.

This week Pastor Timmie was introduced to a shabbily dressed boy, just 13-years old. He was the youngest member of the gang. The child has not been attending school. In fact, he is also hooked on drugs, given to him in his own home. The teenager is no stranger to violence, and can fire a gun by himself. He has attended his first Bible study class, and the church is hoping it will be a turning point for this little boy.

When they’re asked what they would like to become, the answers ring out in the air “An architect,” “a lawyer,” “an engineer…” Their dreams are big. Their opportunities have always been small. However, Pastor Timmie is hoping to change that.

These young men may have “been spendin’ most their lives livin’ in the gangsta’s paradise,” but with their guns now aside, they are now thankfully “On their knees in the night, sayin’ prayers in the streetlight.

They have new hope and aspiration on the inside, and their future depends on all of us doing our bit to hold them up in prayer, in love and support.

I hope this story has left you blessed and inspired to make a difference!

IN BETWEEN SUNDAYS

Posted on June 24, 2021 by Melini Moses

2 Comments

We live in Johannesburg, about 600kms away from our bustling hometown of Durban where our parents and siblings reside. Due to our work and church commitments, we only travel to Durban three or four times a year. This is an incredibly exciting experience for our two young children, aged 2 and 5 as they get to spend some quality time with their grandparents, aunt’s and cousins.

As soon as we announce our plans to go to Durban, our son Adriel starts counting the number of sleeps left before we leave. He especially loves to spend time with his grandpa, and fishing is always his top request.

Pa, 66 years old, is the Pastor of a Church in Mt Edgecombe. Together with his wife, Grandma Selvie they are actively involved in full time ministry, and have been for the past 35 years. Due to Covid, and our responsibilities at our Church in Joburg, we had delayed going to Durban for a while, so it was nine months since our last trip to see our family.

Our children were jumping for joy and Adriel couldn’t wait to go fishing with his Pa, have fun playing cards and doing all the wonderful things grandparents do with their grandchildren.

However, the fishing trip Pastor Mark had promised to his grandson had to be postponed and postponed and eventually cancelled.

A lot happens in between Sundays, and often congregants have no idea of the amount of responsibility that weighs heavily on their Pastors shoulders.

During the week we were in Durban, a house belonging to a member of Pastor Mark’s congregation literally went up in flames. The family lost everything. He had to rush there to provide emotional and psychological support as well as financial assistance. Pastor Mark has personally taken on the project to raise funds to rebuild the house and make sure the building is suitable for the family to live in.

The house in Phoenix, Durban that caught ablaze

A faithful congregant passed away and he had to be of support to the family at their home, and later that week conduct the funeral. A funeral takes the entire day as the officiating Pastor has to be there from the morning until the burial in the afternoon.

Two days later a close family member of a faithful family in his congregation passed away. Pastor Mark graciously conducted the funeral, again a responsibility that took much of the day.

Amidst all of this, Pastor Mark and his wife had to conduct numerous counselling sessions, especially with married couples, lasting up to 4 hours a session!

I have not even touched on the time set aside for Prayer, by name, for members of his congregation or the hours spent studying the Word of God and preparing to preach to a Church full of people waiting for their Pastor to teach, edify and encourage them. All this in the midst of the Covid19 pandemic.

At 66 years old, many people in other professions would have retired by now, but a Pastor never retires. Their love for their flock never dies.

Pastor Mark is one of many Pastors who have dedicated their entire lives to the benefit of others.

Today I’d like to encourage you to Honour Your Pastor and keep him and his family in constant prayer.

The sermon you watch your Pastor share on a Sunday morning is but a fraction of his daily sacrifice of time and resource. Remember his wife, remember his children, remember his grandchildren. Pray for them. Check on their well-being. Be kind and gracious to them. Moreover, try to do your bit to be of support in the work of the ministry.

My son may have not gone on that fishing trip, but he will always be reminded of the legacy his Pa has left him and the many lives that have been touched.

1 Thessalonians 5:12-14

“We ask you, brothers, to respect those who labour among you and are over you in the Lord and admonish you, and to esteem them very highly in love because of their work. Be at peace among yourselves. And we urge you, brothers, admonish the idle, encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with them all.”

Five Reasons Why Having An Affair Is A Bad Idea!

Posted on January 31, 2021 by Melini Moses

Hi everyone,

Over the past few weeks I’ve heard heart wrenching stories of families being torn apart, because of infidelity. The aggrieved spouse describes the feeling as worse than death. Children are left broken. They watch their mums and dads try to keep things together, while wondering if they are in fact to blame. It will affect their self-worth, their education, and even their future romantic relationships.

Is it all worth it? Well, some would say it is. The passion, intrigue, and thrill of escaping detection, is a turn on for many. Lord David Cecil once said “The nurse of infidelity is sensuality.” What starts off as flimsy flirtation quickly turns into a web of deceit. At it’s core is emotional or sexual intimacy that violates the trust of a spouse.

Here are five reasons why having an affair is a TERRIBLE idea….

1. It will ruin your reputation. Proverbs 6:32 sums it up for us. It says “But the man who commits adultery is a fool, for he destroys himself.” Society never forgets, and when you slip up and get caught, you will be humiliated and embarrassed. More importantly, every piece of advice you give to others will be questioned based on your moral transgression. Your confidence is likely to drop, as well as your influence.

2. Your spouse will never fully trust you – probably for the rest of your life. They will start to question everything, from why you took so long at the store to whether you’re really working late at the office. This trust will take years to rebuild and every day will be different as they battle to reconcile what happened and why.

3. Your children will no longer see you as a role-model. Knowing that you chose to be with someone other than their mum or dad will make them feel insecure, confused, sad and angry. You will lose your authority to steward and discipline them, because you have been a poor example. If you have daughters, the emotional trauma may lead to them quickly getting involved in a relationship, without performing due diligence. If you have sons, your behavior may rubber stamp them doing the same.

4. You increase your chance of getting a sexually transmitted disease. Did you know you can have an STD, even though you don’t experience any symptoms? STD’s can lead to infertility in both men and women. It can also increase your chances of contracting HIV, cancer or syphilis. Cheating on your spouse can therefore directly impact both your quality and length of life.

5. Most importantly, infidelity is a violation of covenant and is against everything our faith stands for. In fact, many of us have forgotten that it’s even mentioned in the Ten Commandments. In Hebrews 13:4 we are asked to “Give honour to marriage, and remain faithful to one another”. The Bible goes even further in the New Testament. Matthew 5:27 says “You have heard it said, ‘Do not commit adultery’. But I tell you that anyone who even looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”

My hope is that these five reasons will be strong enough to put the brakes on any scent of sensuality outside of your marriage covenant.

But what if it’s too late? What if you’re already too deep, but you’ve now decided to walk away? At the outset, know that it’s not going to be easy – but it is the right thing to do.

Firstly you’ll have to gather all your courage and end the affair. Don’t wait for after Valentine’s Day – do it today. If you need help, speak to a close friend or Pastor who will support you through it. Make the break quick and to the point and then end all communication. Change your number, change cities or countries if you have to! Like my husband puts it, just kick down!

Secondly, if you’re in a marriage, tell your spouse that you’ve been unfaithful, that you’ve ended it and that you want to make your relationship work. Now this is a tough one, and there’s no guarantees about how your spouse will react, but the chances are higher that you will be met with a little more leniency because of your transparency. There has to be genuine remorse and don’t expect your spouse to simply get over it, even if they’ve decided to forgive you and try again. Rebuilding trust takes time and during this phase, your spouse will be processing all sorts of emotions. Give them the time and space they need.

Thirdly if you and your partner commit to working together to make your marriage work, sit together and identify gaps in your marriage that may’ve led to you seeking affection elsewhere. This could be a wide range of problems. Communication is a major factor – do you actually talk to each other. I mean, do you have real conversations? Do you set aside time every evening to talk about your day? Do you sit and eat together around a table as a family, with the TV switched off? Do you attend church together, even if it’s online? Do you ever pray together in your home? Are there problems around intimacy, family interference, pride, laziness, insecurity, unforgiveness, alcohol, drugs or physical abuse? Together with your spouse, come up with an action plan to make your marriage a happy place. This will entail putting in place goals and priorities and sticking to them. Once you as a couple find each other, the love will also filter down to your children, and will translate into a healthy and happy environment for them to thrive in.

Marriage is demanding and challenging and sometimes rather frustrating, but it also comes with great reward. All the bumps along the journey can lead to greater transparency, connection, insight and intimacy. The challenges force us to access resource and strength we never knew we had as we engage in covenant – and of course we can’t ignore that it is rather fun to have someone to annoy all our lives!

Ecclesiates 10:8 says “He that digs a pit will fall into it, and he that breaks a hedge, a serpent will bite him.” In modern terms, we need to have a strong hedge or fence around our marriage, with security beams. When trouble comes we must be able to press the panic button and call for help from specialists in the field. We need to constantly make sure the fence around our family is in good condition. If any part of the fence is damaged, or broken down, it will compromise the security of our marriage.

So let’s put in place proper structures today and perform the required maintenance to ensure that our marriages are fortified and can ultimately be a haven of love and rest.

Have a wonderful week!
Melini

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Mum, does Heaven have a beach?

Posted on January 9, 2021 by Melini Moses

“Mum, does heaven have a beach? Can we take our suitcases there or are there clothes for us in heaven? Mum, who’s going to brush my teeth there? Is it one of the angels? But they’re not my mummy or daddy!”

My 5-year old son Adriel bombarded me with questions this morning. He’s clearly been listening to the conversations between his dad and I every time we hear the sad news of another life lost due to Covid-19. When he asks, we usually tell him the person who has passed on has gone to heaven to be with the Lord Jesus. What we didn’t know was that this little boy was busy pondering on what heaven was all about.

“Mum, can we take an aeroplane to heaven? Or maybe a helicopter?” No son, I said, we have to die first, then we go to heaven. “Die! Mummy….I don’t want to die!….Mum I’ll be scared if I go to heaven…I’ll be scared of the angels. Will they be kind?” Yes baby, they are very kind, they will love you and take such good care of you! Silence….“Mum, are there games in heaven?… Mamma…when they blow the trumpet, what if it’s too loud for my ears?”

Adriel made me laugh and cry at the same time. The innocence of a little boy coupled with the reality of death gives us all a lot to think about.

In the midst of the pain and anguish the Corona virus has brought, this is a time for introspection, a time for reflection. If tomorrow never comes, where do we go from here? Reality usually hits me the hardest in the early hours of the morning. This is when I battle to sleep after filling my mind with Facebook pictures and videos of bereavement. The other night I found myself praying for forgiveness, for all my shortcomings, for all the times I’ve failed. I then prayed for forgiveness on behalf of all my family members, all my friends, and admittedly a little reluctantly, even for those who have in the past caused great pain. I had a little help from Matthew 6:14-15 “For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. ¹⁵But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.” I was not about to take any chances!

As Christians, we believe God’s Word: “To be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord.” While we may have a glorious image of heaven, I’m sure God’s plan for us is far more than we can ever dream or imagine. Dr David Leininger shared the story below in a sermon on March 30th, 1997, which lightheartedly puts this into context…

I love the old story of the rich man who, on his deathbed, negotiated with God to allow him to bring his earthly treasures with him when he came to heaven. God’s reaction was that this was a most unusual request, but since this man had been exceptionally faithful, permission was granted to bring along just one suitcase. The time arrived, the man presented himself at the pearly gates, suitcase in hand – BOTH hands, actually, since he had stuffed it with as many bars of gold bullion as would fit. St. Peter said, “Sorry, you know the rules – you can’t take it with you.” But the man protested, “God said I could… one suitcase.” St. Peter checked, found out that this one would be an exception, prepared to let the man enter, then said, “OK, but I will have to examine the contents before you pass.” He took the suitcase, opened it, saw the gold bars and asked quizzically, “You brought PAVEMENT?”

I don’t know if you believe in God, but for me, I can’t imagine going through life, or this pandemic without trusting in the Sovereignty of an Almighty God. I can’t imagine living each day without His grace, strength and mercy.

Indian author Arundhati Roy gives us some food for thought…“What is this thing that has happened to us? It’s a virus, yes. In and of itself it holds no moral brief. But it is definitely more than a virus. Some believe it’s God’s way of bringing us to our senses. Others that it’s a Chinese conspiracy to take over the world. Whatever it is, coronavirus has made the mighty kneel and brought the world to a halt like nothing else could. Historically, pandemics have forced humans to break with the past and imagine their world anew. This one is no different. It is a portal, a gateway between one world and the next. We can choose to walk through it, dragging the carcasses of our prejudice and hatred, our avarice, our data banks and dead ideas, our dead rivers and smoky skies behind us. Or we can walk through lightly, with little luggage, ready to imagine another world. And ready to fight for it.”

Numbers 16 in the Bible speaks of a plague that had befallen the people of Israel. Aron offered incense and made atonement for the people. Verse 48 says “He stood between the living and the dead, and the plague was halted.”

Right now we stand between the living and the dead. I believe we have two huge responsibilities. Firstly, it is to pray and intercede on behalf of society for this plague to end. Secondly, we need to take a moment to reflect and ask ourselves – where to from here? If tomorrow never comes, where does my future lie?

Adriel ended our conversation by asking, “Mum, how will I die? Mamma, can you tell me how many sleeps before I go heaven?” It’s a heavy topic for a 5-year old boy, but I’m glad I got to answer some of his questions, and I’m hoping it provides some consolation when he hears about a relative or friend who has gone to be with Jesus.

I took some time to explain to my son that only God knows when he will take us to be with Him. After a small sigh he said, “Ok mummy, can you please, please type ‘kids racing cars’ into Youtube?

BRINGING JOY TO THE WORLD, AND YOUR HOME THIS CHRISTMAS

Posted on December 24, 2020 by Melini Moses

Hi everyone,

It’s that amazing, festive time of year when millions across the globe celebrate Christmas. But, let’s be honest – this year has not been particularly amazing, and the past few weeks have been far from festive. We’re in uncertain, unchartered territory. The usual fun and fanfare has been replaced by anxiety and distress. The Covid-19 pandemic, now its second surge continues to leave a trail of devastation. Many have lost friends and family, while others are fighting for their lives in hospital. Thousands of people have lost their jobs, and others are just getting by with the little they have. While we celebrate Christmas today, I ask that we all take some time to pray for, call and remember those who aren’t in as fortunate a situation as we may be.

This Christmas many of us won’t physically be attending Church. You may miss the joyful sound of carols, the sermon about the miracle of Christmas, and if you’re like me, you’ll definitely miss the people and the hugs and laughter that resonate after every Christmas service. However this year, God has other plans, and despite the circumstances, we have to trust in the Sovereignty of our heavenly Father.

Today I’d like to encourage you to leave the turkey and trifle aside for a while and sit around a table with your family. Take turns to express gratitude for all the good that has happened this year. While 2020 may have been overshadowed by Covid, there have also been many positive things that have taken place. Maybe you bought a house this year. Maybe you started a new job, or a new business venture. Maybe you’ve had the opportunity to work from home and spend more quality time with your family. Maybe you made you a new friend. Express thanks for your marriage, for your job, for your parents, your children, your family and friends.

Very few periods in history have tested our resilience the way 2020 has. Acknowledge the grace that carried you through, and the gift of life that you still have.

By now every one of us is likely to know someone that has died of Covid-19. In recent weeks the deaths have increased exponentially and we’ve lost many people close to us – healthy people whom we’d never have expected to lose their lives so soon.

It’s almost as if we’re in a war, and while we’re trying to shelter our families, we don’t know who out there will be the next casualty. Earlier this week, after receiving so many notices of people who’ve died, I began writing messages to a few people that have crossed my path over the years. I thought it was important to let them know about the impact they’ve had on my life.

Maybe you’d like to do the same. It could be the one person at your workplace ten years ago who always made you laugh. It could be the teacher who constantly encouraged you, or a high school friend that taught you a lesson you’ve never forgotten. I recently tracked down someone who used to give me extra Maths lessons in Durban more than 20 years ago, and it was so amazing just to connect again, so I could express appreciation.

Gratitude and acknowledgement is scarce, yet it’s needed so much right now. People are yearning for comfort, love and a shoulder to lean on. While social distancing may not allow this, we can use the tools we have at hand to make someone feel special.

A phone call to check on how someone is doing will mean a lot to them. If you have the means to do something extra, you could send them a gift from an online store that can be delivered straight to their home. If you know someone who could do with groceries and you’re too afraid to visit them, how about sending them a voucher? These days stores like Checkers and Pick n Pay allow you to buy grocery vouchers online and they send a pin code directly to the recipient’s cellphone. Thanks to technology, there are so many ways in which we can be a blessing at this time, while still observing Covid-19 protocols.

Many people have been saying that Christmas is cancelled this year because the usual bells and whistles with our families won’t be there. However, I’d like to remind you that the reason for the season – the birth of the Lord Jesus Christ, is not dependent on viruses or circumstances. At Christmas we celebrate the ultimate Gift given to us. We celebrate the Love of our Father, expressed through the birth of His Son.

Despite our circumstances, “These three remain: faith, hope and love…and the greatest of these is love.

This festive season let’s get our families together to express hearts of gratitude, and let’s do our bit to showcase love to others!

WATCH HERE

A Sneak Peek Into What A Pastor Does All Week!

Posted on December 16, 2020 by Melini Moses

Hi everyone,

Every now and then I pause and ask my husband WHY? Why would anyone willingly become a Pastor? Why would someone even consider this lifestyle? I always jokingly tell him that we could have been rich if he stuck to his profession. He gave up being an Advocate to become a Pastor. We both know it’s his calling. However, it doesn’t mean it’s easy. Today I’d like to take some time to give you a glimpse into the life of a Pastor.

When you hear the word Pastor, I’m sure it conjures up all sorts of thoughts.

Many of you will probably think fraud, lavish lifestyles, fake healing, manipulation and infidelity. Of course there are those who claim to be spiritual leaders, but instead fleece their flock. Many Pastors have been grabbing headlines for all the wrong reasons in South Africa. They have done immeasurable damage to the Church at large and are a complete misrepresentation of everything our faith stands for.

But there are also those on the flip side. There are Pastors around the globe, who daily sacrifice their time, finance, and resource. There are Pastors who make sure that all those within their area of influence are spiritually nourished, mentored and skilled to be successful men, women and children who go on to impact their families and communities.

Growing up I used to think Pastors had the easiest job. ‘Work’ on Sundays, pray for and counsel a few people during the week, and go shopping or relax with the family at home the rest of the time. How wrong I was ! Now that I am married to a Pastor I can confidently tell you that their entire lives are a sacrifice. 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, their church family is their top priority and everything they and we as a family do, revolves around those under our care – physically, emotionally, spiritually and financially.

A Pastor’s entire existence is for the benefit of others. They carry you and your burdens as if it were theirs. I have experienced first hand the toll this takes on Pastoral families – the stress, the hurt and the pain, and well as the joy and fulfilment.

So, what are Pastors so busy with?

Well, Pastors are usually the first port of call when anyone who relates to them has a problem. This can be anything from someone who is stuck on the freeway, to someone who is on drugs and needs help.

Pastors are also called when people need advice to make big decisions – like which area is best to buy a house in, whether to stay with a job or take up a new offer or whether to pursue a legal case, or drop it.

Pastors are also called when people are in distress. In the past 2 weeks alone for example, we’ve helped someone who suffered a mental breakdown, we’ve had to deal with issues relating to an unlawful arrest, and we’ve started the journey of restoration of a broken marriage. The Pastor physically goes in to help – even in times of Covid. He was at the police station, at the court a few days later, at the hospital getting the patient admitted, at a home praying for someone who was sick and at a couple’s flat providing counselling. These are just a few examples from his packed diary.

Pastors spend much of their time visiting people, praying with them and encouraging them. For many, especially young adults and the elderly, this source of interaction is gold, in a world where people hardly ever have quality time for others.

Pastors are also called to officiate events. These are functions like weddings, birthday parties, funerals and Thanksgivings. I haven’t even touched on the main purpose they serve – which is preparing the Word of God to be of strength and nourishment to their congregants. The majority of church leaders are spending late nights and early mornings putting together sound doctrine that ultimately elevates people out of their weaknesses and brings them into a position of great strength.

Not all churches have an abundance of money, and resource can be very limited for smaller churches. It’s especially in these cases that the Pastors ensure that the needs of the church are met, before their own. This means making sure the rent is paid, as well as utility bills, staff, transport and other expenses.

Pastors also give up their own personal resource to take care of their congregants. This ranges from settling school fees, to buying groceries and helping pay rent to avoid someone being evicted. One Pastor shared with me how at a funeral the bus driver refused to transport the mourners because the grieving family had hired him but couldn’t pay him. The Pastor himself had to settle the bill. Another Pastor gave away his child’s expensive christening dress to a family who didn’t have one. You can imagine what happened when his wife found out!

I have personally witnessed Pastors go to great debt on their credit cards to help their congregants. For a Pastor, saying ‘no’ is almost unheard of and those within the ministry regularly sacrifice their resource for others.

A pastor is on call 24/7. His time is never his. He leaves home at any time of day or night to attend to an emergency. This ranges from going to a drug den to search for a father who hasn’t returned home, or to be of support to a teenager who has attempted suicide. Pastors don’t get any days off. Even if they do, they are always on call. I remember us being on honeymoon in another country when someone texted my husband to say she needed a lift to church, which he gladly arranged.

My parents in law, who’ve been in ministry for 35 years, have often had to cut short their holidays and spend thousands of rands re-booking their flights, at their own cost, when someone within their church passed away. It may sound ludicrous to you, and it really is. My point is, this is the extent of love Pastors have for those under their care.

These are the genuine men and women of God that we don’t see on the news or on social media, but they unfortunately do get bundled with abusers of the faith. These are the true shepherds who go above and beyond for the well-being of their flock. They fulfil Jeremiah 3:15 which says “Then I will give you shepherds after my own heart, who will lead you with knowledge and understanding.” These are the men and women who deserve our honour, respect and support.

I hope this has given you some insight into the life of a Pastor. I pray that you will be one who understands, encourages, honours, respects and supports your Pastor as he continues his labour of love!

WATCH HERE

ANGER

Posted on December 8, 2020 by Melini Moses

Hi everyone,

Did you know when a rattlesnake is cornered, it becomes angry. It becomes so angry that it sometimes ends up biting itself! This really got me thinking about the way we behave when we are frustrated and angry. Let’s face it, anger is something we all battle with, whether it’s directed at our spouse, our children, or a driver who cut us off the road. Busy mornings racing to get out of the house often leads to an unsavoury exchange of words. At other times, just one trigger sets off something that may have been lying dormant. It could be family problems, financial issues, stress, feeling unappreciated or any form of injustice. Some of us may be better at keeping our emotions in check, but at some point or another, we all explode.

The Hebrew word for anger is “aph” which means to kindle or ignite a fire – in effect, “to light someone’s fuse” or “a heated outburst.” Of all our emotions, anger is considered the rawest, strongest, and potentially most destructive. However we try to defend it, I think we can all agree that anger is not a healthy emotion, and more than that, it displeases God.

James 1:19-20 says “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.”

Proverbs 29:11 says “Fools give full vent to their rage, but the wise bring calm in the end.”

Most of us don’t intend to hurt others permanently when we’re angry. We lash out without thinking of the consequences. However, depending on how far it goes, an outburst of anger is like the eruption of a volcano. The hot lava pours down the mountain, scorching everything in sight. It literally changes the composition of the rock by its heat forever, and its damage leaves permanent scarring.

Anger has the capacity to slowly destroy relationships. This is because it undermines the very conditions that are necessary to create and maintain TRUST. It brings with it suspicion, anxiety and fear, more-so if it’s in the home. Often this type of anger is linked to domestic abuse where one spouse gets verbally and physically violent with the other.

Often they will blame the victim for causing them to get angry, instead of owning their emotions. We have seen many cases of women and children being killed, because a trusted father or husband lost himself in a moment of anger. People have also lost their lives in road rage incidents. We leave home fine, then allow one trigger to make us so angry that it can literally change the course of our lives.

Anger also destroys harmonious relationships in the workplace. Unresolved frustration diminishes our productivity, inhibits our creativity and puts the lid on our growth. It also destroys our health. The Duke University Medical Centre conducted research on the effects of sustained hostility on the human body. Dr Redford Williams found that people who are hostile and angry are at higher risk of contracting heart disease and other ailments. It’s not just people who raise their voice who are at risk, but also people with more subtle kinds of hostility like skepticism, mistrust and those who are always making snide comments.

Anger causes us to think irrationally. When we get angry our problem solving ability takes a nose dive.

Scripture tells us that God is not pleased when we are angry. In fact the Bible tells us that if we are bringing an offering to God and remember that we have a disagreement with someone, we should leave the offering at the altar, go sort out the problem and then come back. God wants us to forgive and reconcile before we approach Him.

Now what about the effect of our anger on our children? Martin Teicher, a Professor of Psychiatry at McLean Hospital has documented the damage that a parent’s verbal abuse wreaks on the brains of their children. He did a study of adults who had endured verbal abuse as children. He found that three neural pathways were disturbed in the adults. These pathways were involved in language processing, post–traumatic stress disorder, depression and dissociation, as well as anxiety. Teicher says the damage of verbal abuse was on par with the damage found in the brains of people who had been sexually abused by people outside of their family.

Teicher says children especially suffer when anger is vented, adding that openly expressed negative, raw and intense emotion is hard for anyone to witness, especially children – and it can leave scars. What happens is that over time children’s brains seem to turn down the volume on abusive words, images, and even pain and it affects them in different ways as they grow from physical illness to anxiety, depression, anger and hostility in school.
How do we avoid destroying ourselves and our children through anger?

Firstly, we need to acknowledge when our heat gauge is rising and we must be willing to take responsibility for what we do with the emotion called anger.

Proverbs 28:13 says “He who covers his sins will not prosper, but whoever confesses and forsakes them will have mercy.”
Acknowledging that we have an anger problem takes a posture of humility.

Secondly we need to assess the source of our anger and start unpacking it and fixing it. Is it injustice, fear, hurt or perhaps frustration?

Thirdly, we should analyze our temperament. How do you behave when you’re angry? Do you explode? Do you start screaming, become sarcastic, defensive or even critical?

Next, we need to abandon our demands, and alter our attitudes. Instead of focusing on “Me, Myself and I”, invest your efforts into actually resolving the problem. This may need you to graduate to “We, Our and Us”.

Finally, pray for the spirit of counsel, wisdom, might and understanding. Take some time to cool down before deciding on an appropriate response. Wait before continuing that telephone conversation. Delay responding to that email. Walk away from a conversation if you feel your temperature rising.

Ecclesiastes 3:7 tells us there’s a time to speak and a time to remain silent.

I pray that we will all exercise self-control, be quick to listen, and slow to become angry. Not only will this preserve our relationships and protect our health and the wellbeing of our children, but it will also bring glory to our Father – the God we represent.

Have a blessed week!

WATCH HERE

Mind your Manners

Posted on November 8, 2020 by Melini Moses

Hi everyone,

How often do the words “me”, “myself” and “I” come up in your conversations?

It’s tricky isn’t it? No matter how much we try, we naturally gravitate to talking about ourselves. Not only do we love to share our thoughts and views, but we also tend to put ourselves first.

And that’s exactly what motivational speakers tell us to do. However, if we add the God factor to our lives, we are actually called to put OTHERS first.

I’d like to put it to you that the reason we have so many people out there who are rude and disrespectful is because we have taken the “me myself and I” attitude way too far.

Today I’d like to share some points on a simple topic – a foundation principle called manners.

A few years ago, my hubby and I were on a packed bus in Amalfi with two suitcases. I was 5 months pregnant and this bus was speeding on a narrow road around a mountain – faster than a Jo’burg taxi driver. During that entire journey, we stood on the stairs of the bus holding on for dear life. It was so bad that I wished I could do a ultrasound straight afterward just to make sure the baby was ok.

Did you know that not a single person during that entire 45 minute trip offered this pregnant woman a seat? I promised myself on that day, that MY children will rise up as a standard.

Manners in greek comes from the word “ethos” – a habit or a custom. It’s also referred to as “tropos” – a character or a way of life. Good manners should be a way of life for all of us.

Now I know this may sound like a really simple topic – but it’s amazing how many of us have forgotten good ettiquette– so much so – that what should have been the norm, has actually become the exception to the norm!

There are different types of manners. There are table manners for example – Don’t put your elbows on the table or Always wait for the host to give the go ahead before you start partaking of the meal.

There are e-manners. These are manners pertaining to emails and other written correspondence – for example, using proper grammar, spelling and punctuation.

There are cellphone manners. For example, always switch your cellphone onto silent mode when at a function. This reminds me of a wedding I once attended.

It was a serious, solemn time when the Pastor was leading the bridal couple through their wedding vows, when suddenly someone’s cellphone rang. It was the bride’s father standing right there in the front row. He answered the phone and proceeded to loudly give a guest who was late the directions to the church. You can imagine how embarrassed the poor bride was!

There are also manners related to good social etiquette – like allowing someone to walk through a door before you, giving up your seat for someone older than you, or one that many of us battle with – allowing each motorist to take their turn at a four way stop!

Why do we find it so difficult to practice tolerance, etiquette, kindness and respect – especially with strangers? Is it that we feel entitled? Do our qualifications or jobs give us a feeling of superiority? Or maybe it has to do with our upbringing?

Whatever the reason, we must constantly and daily confront our selfishness. 2 Corinthians 13:5 tells us to examine ourselves. It says “Examine yourselves to see if your faith is genuine. Test yourselves…”

If our faith is genuine we will practice two of the greatest lessons in the Bible – sacrifice and love.

Colossians 3 puts it beautifully. It says “Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.”

Love is putting others first. 1 Corinthians 13 tells us that “Love is patient and kind; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful…”

Now this love may mean getting out of bed in the middle of the night to help a friend stuck on the highway or paying for a child’s school fees. But most times, we are able to demonstrate this love – of putting others first – with good manners.

So when everyone’s rushing towards the till to pay for their Christmas groceries – you are able to hold your hand out and say “After you” or if there’s the last spoon of stuffing from that Christmas turkey, you’re able to say “It’s ok, you can have it.”

Putting others first means doing more listening, rather than talking. It’s waiting for people to finish speaking rather than interrupting them to get your view across. It’s turning the TV or music down so it’s not annoying to others. It’s not scrolling on your cellphone while watching a church service online.

Putting others first also means sending a message if you aren’t able to make a meeting, notifying your friend when you‘re running late and thanking a host before you leave their function.

Good manners also extends to the workplace. Let your boss know timeously if you won’t make it to work. Treat your colleagues with respect, even if they’re not at the same level as you. Good manners is helping clear up the table at home and even washing the dishes. It’s thanking your spouse or your parents for the meal they prepared, and even offering them a cup of tea.

Apart from reflecting God’s love, good manners also has other benefits. People will genuinely appreciate you more. One of the main complaints women have during marriage counselling, is that their husband’s are inconsiderate and don’t say thank you enough. Good manners can enhance your marriage. It can help bring you favour at work and will make you a treasure in your circle of friends.

There’s an old proverb that says “Manners maketh a man”. Our manners puts the finishing touch to our character. It’s the beautiful bow on top of the gift.

Our manners give others an impression of who we are and who we represent. I pray that in your interaction with others, you’ll always remember who you are, and who you represent.

Have a great week!

WATCH HERE

There is Hope

Posted on September 13, 2020 by Melini Moses

2 Comments

The circumstances of life may have left you feeling down and out. Maybe you’ve been through a death, a divorce, or have lost your job. Perhaps someone has told you you’ll never make it. Maybe you’ve even given up on yourself ! But I’m here to tell you – that stump that looks dead and defeated, still has life! There is hope!

Selfishness

Posted on August 19, 2020 by Melini Moses

Do you know someone who is self-centered, self-absorbed, and self-serving? We see it in government, we see it in corporate, we see it in others – but what about Ourselves?

In this video I give you the opportunity to take the Selfishness test. I explore why we find it so challenging to part with our money, and share some fascinating studies on the topic.

I trust you will be blessed and encouraged by this Teaching.

The Battle of the Mind

Posted on August 15, 2020 by Melini Moses

Hi everyone!

In this video I talk about how to reason with and overcome the battles that play out constantly in our minds. Using the consumption of alcohol as an example, I also share how we must always be future-casting, knowing that every decision we make NOW will impact our children and the generations to come! I hope this is of help and strength to you and your family…

Tuning Into God’s Voice

Posted on August 8, 2020 by Melini Moses

Do you wish you could hear exactly what God was saying? Wouldn’t it be awesome to have a radio station we could tune into and perhaps even call in with our questions! In this video I share the many ways in which God speaks to us and explain how often the problem is not with His signal, but with our receiver. I hope it’s an encouragement to you!

What Type of Father Are You?

Posted on August 7, 2020 by Melini Moses

Did you know that almost every emotional problem a man has can be traced back to an emotional wound that was caused by his father? In this post I outline four types of Fathers and share practical ways in which fathers can perform their God ordained role. I pray as the world acknowledges Fathers Day, that you will be a father that is Set Apart – a man of wisdom, valour and strength – a man who raises up a generation that is secure in your love, compassion, protection and direction.

Iron Sharpens Iron

Posted on August 6, 2020 by Melini Moses

2 Comments

When was the last time you did an audit of your relationships? The people we spend our time with are the ones who are influencing us and shaping our character. In this video I share the three types of relationships that we naturally gravitate to. I give you questions to help you do your personal relationship audit & talk about how we need to be Intentional about being sharpened and sharpening others.
I hope you will be encouraged and motivated!

The Root of Bitterness

Posted on August 4, 2020 by Melini Moses

Is there someone whose name just leaves a bitter taste in your mouth? Has their behaviour played a role in the way you view the world? People can be cruel, and there’s plenty of opportunity for us to harbour bitterness against someone, but is it worth the effort? In this post I share what happens when we allow our emotions to grow into resentment – affecting our productivity, creativity and our testimony. I also share how we can overcome bitterness. I hope this will be of great strength to you!

Forgiveness

Posted on August 1, 2020 by Melini Moses

Is there someone who has hurt you so badly that the very mention of their name makes you cringe? They may have caused you inexplicable damage – be it emotional, financial, or reputational. In this video I share the importance of forgiveness, and how forgiving someone is not a compromise of our morality, but something we are compelled to do. If you have a story to share of your own journey of forgiveness, I’d love to hear from you!

Complaining vs Encouraging

Posted on July 31, 2020 by Melini Moses

Are you a Complainer or an Encourager? In this video I highlight the three types of complainers and explain how we can use our words to bring joy or sorrow, healing or hurt, discouragement or encouragement. I pray that your words will be a well of life to others, bringing forth hope, healing and strength!

Wisdom

Posted on July 28, 2020 by Melini Moses

Hi friends, hope you’re all well and warm! Through the ages, knowledge and wisdom have been highly sought, and for many people success is measured by how much they own, or what they know. However, there’s another type of wisdom I’d like to talk to you about, and this is the wisdom from above!

Mothers: Women of Worth and Wisdom

Posted on July 25, 2020 by Melini Moses

Mothers have insight and foresight and can save us from many troubles if we listen to their voice of wisdom. In this video I share how King Solomon’s mother corrected him when he strayed off the path and ultimately set him up for greatness. As mothers we have a remarkable responsibility!

What Is Creeping into Our Homes During Lockdown?

Posted on May 8, 2020 by Melini Moses

Many of us across the globe are under lockdown due to the Covid-19 pandemic.

We may be confined to our homes, but the internet has made it possible for all sorts of stuff to enter our homes, and all it takes is the click of a button to possibly the change the course of our lives forever.

I recently came across an article which really left me reeling. A pornography site took advantage of the lock-down and the marketing opportunity it presented, by offering it’s premium subscription service free to the entire world for 30 days.

Immediately, subscriptions from both men and women shot up. Among the countries with the highest increases in traffic were Mexico, Russia, Spain and India.

The writer of the article Rosie Makinney has actually written a book about this topic. She points out that a month of internet porn is more than enough time for someone to become dependent on this stimulus, and developing a porn addiction will continue to negatively impact marriages and families long after Covid-19 has subsided.

Makinney says internet porn is called the “crack-cocaine of sex addiction.” Research has shown that pornography addiction rewires the brain and destroys one’s ability to build real-life relationships. It basically creates a desire that’s never satisfied. More than 50 percent of divorces are believed to be linked to some from of pornography.

Heavy porn use not only hijacks the reward center of the brain, but it also impairs the prefrontal cortex. In other words, people who are addicted to porn in the long term are literally unable to think clearly or make rational decisions.

During our lock down, domestic abuse has also spiralled. With the sale of cigarettes and alcohol not being permitted in South Africa, people are using other illegal and often dangerous substances to fulfill their habits.

As families we need to sit back and take stock of what we have been allowing into our homes. Gossip, slander, incessant complaining and excessive cellphone use are among the things that can easily creep into our homes and take over the environment.

Deuteronomy 22:8 says “When you build a new house, you shall make a parapet for your roof, that you may not bring the guilt of blood upon your house, if anyone should fall from it.”

A parapet is a protective wall or railing along the edge of a raised structure like a roof or balcony. Its something that serves as a defence or a safeguard.

We must ensure that we have a wall that will protect us from falling. Many times we fall into sin because we haven’t built a parapet or a protective hedge.

Ecclesiases 10:8 puts it quite nicely. It says “He that diggeth a pit shall fall into it, and whoever breaks a hedge, a serpent shall bite him.”

When the hedge is broken, the enemy will come in and strike.

There are a number of practical ways in which we can build a protective hedge.

Firstly we must take control of our minds and meditate upon the Word of God.

Secondly, apathy and laziness in various areas of our lives including our marriages, our devotional time, our health and finances will cause the wall to be broken down because we have no standard of excellence.

Thirdly, we must maintain relationships that will add value to our lives, and can push us in the right direction. Proverbs 13:20 says “He who walks with wise men will be wise, but the companion of fools will be destroyed.”

And finally we must be positioned under grace. By positioning ourselves to receive the instructions of a father through doctrine we partake of wisdom and understanding from God above.

Proverbs 4:6-10 says this of wisdom –

“Do not forsake her, and she will preserve you; Love her, and she will keep you. Wisdom is the principal thing; Therefore get wisdom. And in all your getting, get understanding. Exalt her, and she will promote you; She will bring you honour, when you embrace her. She will place on your head an ornament of grace; A crown of glory she will deliver to you.”

During this lock-down, let us do an audit of what we’ve allowed into our homes. Then let us re-build the wall and raise up our defence systems. Let’s remain vigilant and plug the holes in the wall that let sin in, so that we and our families will remain protected.

Grace and peace to you!

Melini

Melini Moses together with her husband Justin, lead Life Community church in Johannesburg. She is a News Editor at the South African Broadcasting Corporation, a Dag Hammarskjold and World Press Institute Fellow.

A Word of Encouragement

Posted on May 1, 2020 by Melini Moses

God’s voice is over political turmoil. It’s over economic systems.

God’s voice spoke creation into being and His Voice is the final authority.

Take heart. God is in control.

Hope in the Storm

Posted on April 27, 2020 by Melini Moses

In the midst of all the uncertainty, the Word of God remains steadfast.

Philippians 4:6-7 says, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

Now, this is actually a command to us, but admittedly, its one that’s difficult to obey, especially when we’re faced with a crisis like Covid-19.

Five Ways to Support Your Church During The Covid-19 Pandemic

Posted on March 25, 2020 by Melini Moses

The pews are empty. The curtains slowly sway with the breeze. A solitary pianist gets ready to play her tune and the Pastor nervously straightens his tie as he prepares to stand behind the podium. He has put the same hours of preparation into the Word of God that he usually does every Sunday morning, only this time there won’t be any Amen’s from the crowd. Instead a camera lens will be live-streaming his sermon to homes across the globe.

The Corona virus, or the Covid-19 pandemic has left the Church in an unprecedented situation. Never before have Pastors had to cancel Sunday services, more-so during Easter celebrations – one of the highlights of the global Church calendar.

Schools are being closed, flights are being cancelled and businesses are being forced to shut their doors. While thousands of people are going into isolation or quarantine, the Church cannot afford to do the same.

In the midst of panic, fear, anxiety and grief, the Church has to stand up now more than ever before to be the voice of Calm, Reassurance and Hope.

Steering the Church through the Covid-19 crisis is unchartered territory for Pastors across the globe, and as they attempt to do this, with the grace of God, there are also ways in which You can be of support both to your Pastors, and to your local Church.

1. Pray for Your Pastor and Your Church

Pray for wisdom as your Pastor navigates through this crisis. Pray for strength as he continues to be of support to all those under his care, providing counselling, edification and direction. Pray that congregants will not fear, but will continue to trust in the sovereignty of God during this challenging time.

2. Provide Moral Support

Church leaders across the globe are trying to find innovative ways of being of strength and support to their congregation. Traditionally Pastors visit people at their homes or in hospital. They have face-to-face counselling and regular interaction with their congregants. They now have to use technological devices and online tools to fulfill their pastoral duties. There is no one shouting Amen or nodding their heads during the sermon to encourage them.

You can provide moral support by making sure you listen to the teachings, or watch them online. Send your Pastor a short text of encouragement so he or she knows they are appreciated and that their effort and sermons from the Word of God are valued (1 Thessalonians 5:12-15, Deut 3:28).

3. Provide Vocational Support

Your Vocation is your career, your job, your trade, your craft, your business or your skill. This is an integral part of support for the Church. The disciples chosen by Jesus had various skills – Logistics, Economics, Entrepreneurship and even Politics!

Ask your Pastor how you can use your skill to help the Church during this time. There may be a need for an Administrator to help with paperwork. Perhaps you can be of service to the elderly by helping to do their shopping. Doctors could provide advice to congregants who have health concerns. Journalists could be an important resource of accurate information at a time when so many people are in panic. Those who have good social skills can help your Pastor by phoning others in the church family to check up on them. If you are a social media expert or good with technology, your skills will be needed now more than ever before.

4. Provide Financial Support

Finances are an integral part of any ministry. This season of the Covid-19 pandemic will pass, but the Church will still need to sustain itself financially. Rental or mortgage bonds, utilities, staff salaries, mission funds and many other expenses will still have to be paid.

Lots of funds will have to be invested into technology at this time to meet the demand for online resources. Further to this, the Church is the first place many go to for help when they are unable to meet their personal bills during this economic crisis.

Continue to be faithful with honouring the Lord with your Tithes, First Fruit and Offerings, through the use of internet banking.

The Bible promises in Proverbs 3:9-10 that as you honour the Lord with your possessions, you will experience the plenitudes and sufficiency of God, even in a time of economic meltdown. The Book of Malachi also reminds us that the Lord Himself will rebuke the devourer when we honour Him with the Holy tithe.

We are also instructed to sow to the poor (Leviticus 19:9-10), sow to widows (1 Timothy 5:3-8), and for the building of the ministry (Exodus 36:2-5).

With so many countries on lock-down at the moment, the poor are the hardest hit. If it is within your means to help provide some financial support to them, do so.

Proverbs 19:17 “He who gives to the poor, lends to the Lord, and He will give him his reward.”

5. Be a Pillar

Pillars are support structures. They support the building and hold up the next level. If we want to see the Church move to the next level even in this time of crisis, we must be pillars.

Can you imagine a Manchester United vs Liverpool game taking place without supporters? Football fans put aside all their appointments to watch the big game. They put on their branded shirts, get the environment ready with drinks, snacks and company, and cheer on while the game is being played. A team that plays on home ground has a better chance of winning, because of the support that they receive.

Pastors and Churches also need support. They need people who are willing to put aside other appointments, who know how to get the environment prepared for the move of God, and people who are able to sacrifice their time and resource.

Exodus 17:8-13 best describes the huge impact Supportive service has….

Now Amalek came and fought with Israel in Rephidim. And Moses said to Joshua, “Choose us some men and go out, fight with Amalek. Tomorrow I will stand on the top of the hill with the rod of God in my hand.” So Joshua did as Moses said to him, and fought with Amalek. And Moses, Aaron, and Hur went up to the top of the hill. 11 And so it was, when Moses held up his hand, that Israel prevailed; and when he let down his hand, Amalek prevailed. But Moses’ hands became heavy; so they took a stone and put it under him, and he sat on it. And Aaron and Hur supported his hands, one on one side, and the other on the other side; and his hands were steady until the going down of the sun. So Joshua defeated Amalek and his people with the edge of the sword.

Moses represents your Pastor or spiritual father and Joshua represents you as his son. Joshua was sent into the field to do battle with the Amalekites. The Word Amalek means a “dweller in the valley”. This is a picture of depression, sadness and oppression. One of the greatest enemies facing many today is depression and anxiety. With the Corona Virus wreaking havoc globally, many have fallen into depression. In the scripture above, Aaron and Hur supported Moses as Joshua went into the field. As long as Moses’ hands were lifted up or supported by these two men, Joshua was successful in the battle against the Amalekites and the entire nation was victorious and joyful.

When we hold up our Pastor’s hands in supportive service, we are guaranteed to overcome the battles that come our way. When we lift up the hands of Church leaders whose care we are under, our entire congregation reaps the benefit.

In 1 Chronicles 12:1-2, men came to David to be of support in the war. These men were ambi-dextrous – they could use their right hand and their left hand. These were very skilled individuals. Strong pillars are people who are skilled in the world and skilled in the church. They know how to balance the sacred and the secular.

Be a strong support structure for your Pastor, and everyone in your local church. Aspire to be someone they know they can safely lean on.

Even though Christians around the globe are not able to physically gather during this pandemic, social distancing doesn’t mean social disconnection. Use all the technology at your disposal to network and make sure you don’t lose connectivity with the family of God.

Melini Moses together with her husband Justin, lead Life Community church in Johannesburg. She is a News Editor at the South African Broadcasting Corporation, a Dag Hammarskjold and World Press Institute Fellow.

WE ASKED 50 PASTORS TO SHARE HOW THEY WOULD LIKE TO BE HONOURED

Posted on October 17, 2019 by Melini Moses

Honour, or ‘timao’ in the original greek, is defined as “to fix a value upon,” “to prize,” and “to revere”. It is closely affiliated to Respect, which means “to esteem highly.”

The Bible urges us to honour those who teach us the Word of God.

1 Thessalonians 5:12-13

“And now, friends, we ask you to honour those leaders who work so hard for you, who have been given the responsibility of urging and guiding you along in your obedience. Overwhelm them with appreciation and love!”

The nature of honour is that it is given from the heart. It cannot be legislated, nor demanded. However, if we choose to show honour, we must make sure it’s genuine.

Mark 7:6

“Jesus said to them ‘these people honour me with their lips, but their heart is far from me.”

Authentic Honour is not just words uttered from our lips, but is a tangible expression of our gratitude arising from a deep inward conviction.

When we honour our Pastors, we are able to prize and value the grace and anointing that they carry and impart to us, our families, churches and communities.

1 Timothy 5:17

“Let the elders who rule well be counted worthy of double honour, especially those who labour in the Word and doctrine.”

We will never be able to repay our Pastors for their love, sacrifice and commitment, but we can honour them with our time, resource and support.

The highest form of honour for our Pastors is for us to be obedient to the Word of God which they teach us.

Gifts are great, but if we excel in our obedience to God’s Word, there is not a Pastor in this world whose heart won’t burst with joy.

This principal of honour needs to become part of our DNA and culture, not just limited to Pastor’s Appreciation month. When we honour our Pastor, who is appointed by the Lord, we ultimately honour God. The Bible says in doing so, a blessing will rest on our household. (Ezekiel 44:30).

WE ASKED 50 PASTORS WHAT WOULD MAKE THEM HAPPY THIS PASTORS APPRECIATION MONTH

They may have said it in different ways, but this was the overwhelming response…

The ultimate appreciation would be knowing that each of those in our church family

Love the Lord
Accurately represent and reflect Christ in every area of their lives all year round
Are faithful in their attendance to church meetings
Are faithful in honouring the Lord with their tithes and offerings
Have a zeal to learn more of God’s Word
Are engaged in fervent prayer for the Church and the Pastor
Have a passion to serve others and keep the unity of the local church
Are able to share the weight of the ministry

Most Pastors were hesitant to express any desire for gifts, but we persisted…

Here are the TOP TEN ways Pastors said they would enjoy being appreciated…

Gift vouchers for a grocery, home or clothing store.
A love offering of cash.
Hand written notes or a book with personal heartfelt messages of encouragement.
A mid-week break with the family at a holiday home or location would be a lovely time of refreshing.
Acts of Service – for example – volunteering to help repair things around the house, helping with garden landscaping or renovating your Pastor’s office.
A financial contribution towards a study course or entry to a conference that your Pastor would love to attend.
Anything that cultivates family time eg. Day or year passes to water parks or adventure activities.
Tickets to a big sports game.
A spa day for the Pastor and their spouse.
A reliable car. Pastors are always on the road visiting, counselling and praying for people both day and night. They also transport congregants and guests to and from church. A reliable motor vehicle is not a luxury but a tool for every pastor. Having the confidence that they won’t break down on the highway will definitely lighten the load.

Two more suggestions for Pastor’s Appreciation month couldn’t go unnoticed!

Introduce four new people to your church this month.

Agree on just one day where the Pastor won’t have any complaints or problems to deal with!

Resolve to cultivate a culture of honour for the servants of the Lord into every fabric of your local church and be sure to display this eternal principal as often as you have the opportunity to.

She is Me, I am Her

Posted on September 4, 2019 by genevievelankagann

Over the last few days, gut-wrenching stories of violence against women and children have surfaced. Yes, rape and abuse have always been a problem for our country… but the incidents that have come to light in the past few days have made it glaringly clear… we are under siege. From townships to suburbia, from college hopefuls to working moms… all women are at risk. #AmINext.

As the Church, we need to take a stand. As a collective, we must be swift to recognize abusive tendencies in our congregations and step in to protect women and children. We cannot hide perpetrators in the name of ministry, and we certainly cannot be silent.

As Christians, we have a two-fold responsibility. We must take this battle to our knees and pray for our country. And we must also use our voice in our communities to create awareness, to counsel, to be a safe haven for victims and to condemn the violence.

The message from our pulpit must be clear. An attack on women and children is an attack on the Body of Christ.

I wrote this poem after Cheryl Zondo’s testimony in the rape trial of Pastor Timothy Omotoso. The poem is not specifically about her or the case but about all women and children who have survived the brutality of rape and then have to face an accusing society.

As a pastor, as a mother, as a woman… I will not be silent anymore…

……………………

I hear her screaming,
She is bleeding,
her thighs bruised
while she stands accused…

They said she asked for it
they scrutinized her dress, the fit
He said her breast heaved
like she was in need
A need he satisfied,
it didn’t matter if she cried…
Her drunken slur was an open invite
although she squeezed her legs tight

He left her lying there,
from her waist bare,
His pleasure dripped,
as he pulled up his zip

It’s not a big deal he said,
Stop making it more in your head
she grabbed her stained panty
and left before anyone could see

In the courthouse they stared at her modest skirt
and accused of her playing the flirt
They called her a liar, a slut, a hoe
Nobody cared that she yelled ‘NO’

I sit in the courthouse as I watch her cry
She is me, I am her, we must testify.
We cannot be silent
dying in beds soaked in violence

Mothers broken and battered
babies in shallow graves shattered
their blood flow crimson
death without reason…

I hear them screaming,
They are bleeding,
thighs bruised
yet they stand accused…

Our Little Miracle is Born…

Posted on June 21, 2019 by Melini Moses

13 Comments

“One more day and your baby wouldn’t have made it. We would’ve been dealing with a tragedy – a stillbirth.”

The busy theatre seemed to stand still as the doctors words echoed through the room. He called my husband to stand alongside him and take a picture of the chord gripped tightly around our little girls neck.

It was sobering, overwhelming and surreal thinking about how close we came to possibly losing our daughter. It was only God that saved us.

For the past few weeks I’ve been putting together my to-do list for our home – in preparation of the baby and the influx of guests that are likely to come through. This included everything from bedding to curtains and repairing door locks. I’ve also been busy trying to arrange recordings for delegates of a seminar our church recently hosted. At last count my to-do list was about 3 pages long. There was still a month to go before our little princess arrived, and my plan was to get everything sorted out within the next 2 weeks.

God though had other plans.

I’ve had quite a tumultuous pregnancy from the very beginning and suffered greatly with hyperemisis gravidarum. I spent a significant amount of time in hospital. Feel free to click on this link to read more about that condition…

When Life Throws You a Gigantic Curveball

Other issues then followed from infections to extreme heartburn and excruciating pain. But perhaps the worst part was this past Saturday when a single solitary cough – yes just a cough – caused something to shift in the sacrum area of my lower back. As a result sitting and standing was either impossible or resulted in me bursting into a piercing cry and a flood of tears every time. Painkillers didn’t work and I resorted to physiotherapy. I wasn’t sure how my gynae would be able to help and so I thought I would wait for our routine gynae checkup at the end of the week.

However my psyio insisted that I contact the gynae and fill him in on what’s been happening. After mustering the strength to do so on Wednesday, I went to his consulting rooms. I was admitted and treated for extreme coccydynia. A scan was done on the baby and she was 100% fine. I then began treatment for my lower back pain.

On Thursday morning the nurses came in at 5am and did a normal tracing test on baby. Imagine my surprise when my gynae arrived shortly afterward to urgently wheel me to his rooms.

A scan showed that the chord was now around the babys neck and that her breathing was irregular. He spoke about the little girl coming early but I had to double check if he meant now – as in today (Thursday). I was in disbelief and shock that things had literally changed overnight. I mean I hadn’t even packed my hospital bag!

Three quick calls to my hubby and mums and the stage was set for an emergency caesar. Hubby and our helper had to get a bag packed quickly with the essentials for baby and myself.

The caesar was due at 12 midday but was then brought forward to 11am. It was a crazy rush with little time to process everything.

In all of this we found solace in the Word of the Lord spoken over our lives by our spiritual father.

On the operating table, the wonderful staff reassured us that we were in good hands.

All we waited for was to hear the baby cry – to know that she was ok, that she made it.

When the doctor pulled our little girl out and showed us the chord wrapped tightly around her neck we knew this was a miracle child in every way. He said if I hadn’t suffered so much with the back pain and eventually come to hospital to treat it, the child would have likely been stillborn by the time I came in for my check up the next day. From all the questions the doctor asked me regarding babys movement, contractions etc, there was absolutely nothing that would have prompted me to sense that anything was wrong.

I get goosebumps when thinking about it because our routine visit was actually on Friday (a day later). If God hadn’t intervened we would be telling a very different story today.

I am reminded of the scripture in Jeremiah 1:5.

We have aptly named her Gabriella Elizabeth-Rose – a champion, messenger and worshipper of God.

Weighing in at 1.8kgs, she is in the neonatal ICU where she will spend the next week or so to grow and develop. We are so grateful to the Lord for His mercies and for our miracle baby!

Psalm 92:5

“How magnificent are Your works, LORD, how profound Your thoughts! “

Psalm 139:14

“I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;

Marvelous are Your works,

And that my soul knows well.”

Melini Moses together with her husband Justin, lead Life Community church in Johannesburg. She is a News Editor at the South African Broadcasting Corporation, a Dag Hammarskjold and World Press Institute Fellow.

A Tribute to Pastors Wives

Posted on May 11, 2019 by Melini Moses

Thank You for loving our Pastor, supporting him and walking this tough and often lonely journey with him.

Thank You for treating us as your children, caring for us, praying for us and being a source of inspiration and encouragement.

Thank You for everything you do behind the scenes to knit the Church together.

Thank You for being a great example of balancing marriage, motherhood and ministry.

Thank You for being brave in the face of adversity.

Thank You for celebrating our successes with us.

Thank You for all the hours you put in organising, planning, and co-ordinating events for our spiritual growth.

Thank You for your relentless pursuit of excellence and uncompromising commitment to the Body of Christ.

Thank You for loving and nurturing our children and teaching them the Word of God.

Thank You for giving your time and resource so sacrificially without expecting anything in return.

Thank You for the grace you portray.

Thank You for your genuineness, your warm embrace and smile.

Thank You for being patient and listening to us even when facing your own trials.

Thank You for sharing your husband with the whole congregation, and accepting his unwavering dedication to the work of the ministry.

Thank You for following the voice of the Lord, and that of your husband, even when it’s difficult to understand or obey.

Thank You for keeping confidences, even though you may know our deepest darkest secrets.

Thank You for being slow to judge or criticize us, always choosing to focus on the positive.

Thank You for being authentic.

Thank You for responding with humility, grace and forgiveness even when coming under attack or criticism.

Thank you for setting your own burdens and grief aside to pray for and support us in our time of need.

Thank You for the days and nights you’ve had to spend alone with your children so that we can get counselling and spiritual support from your husband.

Thank You for navigating such an unpredictable life schedule with graceful flexibility and skill.

Strong, Beautiful and Courageous Woman of God! We Salute you!

Please feel free to use this post to honour your Pastor’s Wife, with credit to the author.

TEN THINGS YOUR PASTORS WIFE WISHES YOU KNEW

Posted on May 6, 2019 by Melini Moses

Fraud, fake healing, lavish lifestyles and the abuse and manipulation of congregants. The list goes on. There’s no doubt that Pastors have been grabbing headlines for all the wrong reasons in South Africa.

1.We married for love, and had very little idea what we were really signing up for.

We entered into our covenant union, looking forward to spending the rest of our lives with our best friend. The challenges of ministry came as a shock to most of us, at times, rocking our very foundation. We were thrust into this role of leadership and set on a journey alongside our husbands. We are constantly learning. We don’t have all the answers but will definitely do our best to help you. There are no courses for what to do when you’re a Pastors wife. If there was, we would all be queuing up!

2. We are very aware that marriage is a union of oneness but within this oneness, Pastors wives still have our unique personalities, graces and abilities.

Yes we are called to lead alongside and support our husbands in the ministry, and that we do with everything we have. We are our husband’s helpmate – a task we don’t take lightly. But we also often have to deal with unrealistic expectations. There is constant pressure to dress or speak a certain way, for our children to behave in a particular way, to spend our money in a certain way, to plan our dinner guest lists in certain way. It can be overwhelming. Some of us also have jobs outside of the ministry. We may be nurses, journalists or sales people – roles in which we also display our passion and commitment. Others are stay at home mums, making sure our children get all the love and support they need. These roles should never be undermined. We are determined to make a difference wherever we find ourselves and would like to be embraced for the unique graces we offer alongside our husbands.

3. We share our husbands with everyone.

The Pastor can be in demand 24 hours a day from people both within and outside of the church. He constantly receives calls for prayer, counselling, weddings, thanksgivings, consecrations and advice. He has to respond to suicide attempts, conduct hospital visits and attend to family crises. These often come during dinnertime, on public holidays and on family vacations. It takes the Pastor away from quality time with his wife and children. Being a Pastors wife is often a lonely journey. While it is an honour for us to serve you, it would also be appreciated if you would respect the demands on our time.

4. We wear many caps and try to be the glue that binds everyone together.

No matter what happens in church, the buck always stops with the Pastor and his wife. We spend a tremendous amount of time making sure church goes smoothly. This includes everything from church functions, programmes and presentations to Sunday school, Growth groups and Serving teams. We aim to stop gossip and slander in their tracks as we know that this is against the Word of God and affects the oneness of the Church. We are human. We also get tired and overwhelmed but still have to maintain a positive spirit and a smile while we aim to fill in all the gaps at church.

5. We need helpers who share our heart and vision.

It is really tough and stressful trying to juggle all the responsibilities on our shoulders. Often it’s the local church, the city Church, global missions, full time jobs and family. The tasks that need to be done in church warrant a full time job on its own for the pastors wife! Any help that you can offer to your Pastor and his family will be gladly appreciated. There is always a ton to do, and when there are no volunteers to help carry the load, the burden simply gets heavier on the Pastor and his wife. We need helpers who carry the spirit of Amasai from 1 Chronicles 12.

6. When our husband hurts, we hurt too.

It pains us when our spouse comes under attack or unwarranted criticism. It hurts when people come to him for advice, then blatantly do the opposite putting our ministry and Christ into disrepute. It hurts when people we consider family leave the church and it hurts when congregants come to church week after week but disregard the Word of God. It hurts when people don’t appreciate the personal relationship we have taken the time to develop with them – the calls, messages, lunches and spiritual guidance. It hurts when people want our help for everything from being a commissioner of oaths on documents to requesting prayer for new jobs or healing, yet don’t take the time to be supportive of us or the ministry. Our children see our load and they also hurt. We are real people with real feelings.

7. Church drama affects our entire lives.

When there’s slander, gossip, disrespect, disobedience, disregard, poor church attendance, unwarranted criticism or no support for the ministry, we worry. We worry about what went wrong, how we can fix it and how to prevent it in the future. We waste precious time and have sleepless nights obsessing about these issues, when we could be spending this quality time studying the Word and in Prayer. Thousands of hours are spent dealing with problems, remembering the problems and trying to avoid further problems.

8. We carry much of the financial responsibility of the Church.

There are months when Pastors don’t receive any income from the church, or only a stipend because church funds are depleted. Pastor’s families have to basically make a plan to make ends meet, while ensuring first and foremost that the Church bills like rent, security, staff and utility bills are paid. Sometimes we have to use our credit cards to make sure our own family’s needs are met. It’s during some of these toughest times that people also come to us in desperate need of financial help for their families. It’s a constant juggle financially, as we reassess our priorities and needs in favour of the Kingdom of God.

9. We miss our weekends and long for more family time together.

We wish we could also plan fun family excursions and road trips on the weekend, but it’s not an option for us. Most of the week, and especially on Saturdays, our home turns into a haven for our hubbies who have to studiously prepare their teachings for various church meetings and Sunday morning sermons. They get very little sleep on Saturday nights. We are forced to turn down dinner appointments and other engagements so we can be properly prepared for Sunday morning. It’s also tough for us to visit our families in other towns on weekends, because we simply cannot miss a Sunday service.

10. It’s always good to know that we are honoured and loved, that our church family support our vision, recognise our need for rest and are constantly praying for us.

Our work is fuelled by our greatest conviction. We love the Church and genuinely care about the well-being and spiritual nourishment of our congregants. We desire for every member of our families to grow in the knowledge of Christ and become a representation of The Father. We enjoy celebrating your successes and want to be by your side when you need a shoulder to lean on. We in turn would love for you to put yourself in our shoes and try to understand our roles, responsibilities and daily sacrifices. We need all the prayer, encouragement and support we can get to travel this tough journey!

NOTE: This list was compiled with input from more than 50 Pastors wives globally.

Fraud, Fake healing and the Manipulation of Congregants : THE FLIP SIDE

Posted on March 20, 2019 by Melini Moses

13 Comments

But what if I were to present to you with the flip side? Pastors in this same country, and around the globe, who daily sacrifice their time, finance, and resource. Pastors who make sure that all those within their area of influence are spiritually nourished, mentored and skilled to be successful men, women and children who go on to impact their families and communities.

Meet Pastor Mark. He is 63 years old and has been in ministry since 1988.

When he made the decision to leave his job and enter full time ministry he was a Group Manager at an international Company. His passion and love for ministry overtook his desire to succeed in the marketplace. After three years of full time Theological seminary, he took on the role of Pastoring a church. Although at the time the church could not provide him with a salary or any benefits, he chose to serve with passion and zeal. He had the full support of his wife who became the sole breadwinner in the home.

Together with their two young children they have spent their lives being of strength and support to their congregation. To this day, even in their 60’s, both Pastor Mark and his wife show no sign of abating. They wake up early every morning and spend their days counselling, praying for the sick, providing food for the poor and travelling to nations to share the gospel. I have seen them cut short many mission trips and holidays at their own expense when someone passes away at church or if there’s an emergency affecting one of their congregants.

If you ask them why they don’t set aside time to enjoy their retirement, they will tell you that they’re doing exactly what they enjoy – loving people.

Being in ministry is a calling. Like Pastor Mark, many Ministers have given up successful careers to fulfil this calling by serving God and their communities.

Whilst many have been quick to criticize, defame and belittle Pastors, I must admit that the vast majority of Pastors I have met are genuine and sincere in their calling.

I have witnessed first hand Pastors giving up their own personal resource to take care of their local congregations. From paying school fees, to caring for the sick, to taking care of funeral bills – these holy men and women of God passionately love and serve their churches. Much of a Pastor’s week involves teaching, nurturing and fostering the spiritual growth of his local church.

The majority of church leaders are spending late nights and early mornings putting together sound doctrine that ultimately elevates people out of their weaknesses and brings them into position of great strength.

Part of their teachings include ethics and morality, healthy lifestyles, prudent financial management, integrity in the workplace and respect for others. For true men and women of God, their jobs involve counselling, hospital, home and business visits, mentoring, teaching. They are also responsible for the stewardship of all ministry teams and resource within the church.

A pastor is on call 24/7. His time is never his. On several occasions my husband, who is a Pastor, leaves home late at night to attend to an emergency. This ranges from going to a drug den to search for a father who hasn’t returned home, or to be of support to a teenager who has attempted suicide.

Many are not from our church. In times of need, a Pastor is the one person on speed dial.

Not all churches are mega-churches and resources can sometimes be very limited for smaller households of faith.

It is especially in these smaller churches that Pastors ensure that the needs of the church are met, before their own.

This may entail paying the rent, utility bills, staff, transport and other ministry expenses.

Many times congregants also approach Pastors with their own needs. Some need groceries and money for transport. Others risk being kicked out of their homes for not paying their rent. In all these cases, they look to the Pastor for help. He has to try to rake in thousands of rands to ensure families are not put out on the street.

I can assure you that this is not an unusual occurrence. I have personally witnessed Pastors go to great debt on their credit cards to fulfill responsibilities such as these. Saying no is almost unheard of. Those within the ministry regularly sacrifice their resource for others.

One Pastor I know personally took on the responsibility to pay for a congregants medical bills with his credit card, because the person was not on medical aid and desperately needed help.

These are the genuine men and women of God that we don’t see flashing on social media, but get bundled with abusers of the faith. They are true shepherds who don’t labour for financial reward but for the well-being of their flock.

While the CRL Rights Commission, Religious leaders and the public push for irresponsible church leaders to be held to account for their actions, I’d like us to spare a thought for those Pastors who are genuinely and selflessly sacrificing their lives every single day for the betterment of others.

These are men and women who deserve our honour, respect and support.

By Melini Moses

Does this blog resonate with you? How has your local church and Pastor cared for you and enhanced your spiritual growth and development? Feel free to share your experiences in the comment section below!

A Divine Exchange

Posted on February 22, 2019 by Melini Moses